deepundergroundpoetry.com
People
Some people do things
some just wish they could
some people say what they think
some just know they should
some people are extraordinary
some just are
some people are expressive
some can't even feel
some people live strong and free
some live in the shadows
some people are honest to a fault
some just lie
some people are happy
some just die...
some just wish they could
some people say what they think
some just know they should
some people are extraordinary
some just are
some people are expressive
some can't even feel
some people live strong and free
some live in the shadows
some people are honest to a fault
some just lie
some people are happy
some just die...
Published 24th Aug 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Jan 2013 00:33am
This is alright, the only really bad part to me is that it started off with a good rhyme scheme which quickly faded throughout the middle. The ending (the last four lines are solid), once again the rhyme helps the ease of reading this. My suggestion would be to somehow reconfigure the middle lines to give them a fluid rhyme scheme.
Starting from the beggining every other line is a condescending statement, and use of the word 'just' really draws that out. My point is that in line 10 "some LIVE in shadows", the word 'live' is too positive for the feeling trying to be described, if someone is the opposite of free and strong then they might not consider it living something less meaningful like 'existing' for example would do better.
But like I said the ending is good and it does capture the contrast between virtuous meaningful people and just bland people getting by.
Nice poem
Starting from the beggining every other line is a condescending statement, and use of the word 'just' really draws that out. My point is that in line 10 "some LIVE in shadows", the word 'live' is too positive for the feeling trying to be described, if someone is the opposite of free and strong then they might not consider it living something less meaningful like 'existing' for example would do better.
But like I said the ending is good and it does capture the contrast between virtuous meaningful people and just bland people getting by.
Nice poem
