Paradox

This poem was originally written on Sunday, June 10, 2012. I was in a very emotional state and henceforth this poem was birthed. I usually post poems the day I write them, so I don't know why I didn't with this one. I digress, as usual I hope you enjoy the piece, and with this poem I hope you feel the emotion.


I hate you without hating you
But I love you without loving you
It's hard to believe this is what your gut had you to choose
I mean a guy who seems like a waste
Older in age, and to me a manly disgrace
I know you can see the passion in my eyes
I'm just a kid with dreams and big drive
A plan for my future, I had one for us
Hmmm....
Guess I can throw that under the rug to collect some dust
I don't feel pain, or hurt
Because you left my world
But, rather anger and confusion
As to how you could choose some one not doing
Anything with their life, but losing
....
I don't know, maybe I'm too mature or I'm just plain crazy
As to how you left some one making moves in life,
For some one coasting through life like Miss Daisy
My mind literally wants to explode to the thought of him over me
But knowing who he is provides me with great ease
I know in a year or so I'll be where I need to be with my life
And when ever I look at the ring you gave me I could say "Oh yea right"
Because you'll stay with me through the whole ride even though you won't physically be there
But I'll keep that ring as extra motivation, to know I wanted to try and fix things, but your heart wasn't there
I wonder at night on the weekends, if you miss falling asleep in the arms of some one who loved you
Or if you're thinking about him and the future possibility of you two
...bitch...
I said I would never call you that, but I'm calling you it now
I loved you, cared for you, woulda sacrficiced so much more for you, but look at me now
I used to be a dick to girls, and those chicks were madly inlove with me
But the two girls I treat like the beatiful queens, they left me empty
Drained, tired emotionally, and mentally because love sucks
But love is beautiful, when you fall for some one its all sort of luck
You take that chance, that risk of your heart being torn out your chest
But love is so overpowering you don't fight it, instead hope for the best
......
.........
I hate you with out hating you
But I love you without loving
You put me in this paradox type state,
I only want her, but I don't want her
My heart says says she is the one, but my mind says fuck her
I don't hold grudges but my heart does
It will remember all our love
The hurt as well, because you sacrificed nothing compared to what I did
And in the end all my sacrifice was for nothing, hmmm you stupid bitch
I still love you and I don't want to, I want to take the past two years
Burn it alive while I still can, then maybe I won't care
I'm not mad or upset, I don't hate you, I hate who you picked and how you left me
No attempt to make things work, like a weak person you just gave up, hooray me
Gut feeling? Really? Last time I got a gut feeling, I lost my virginity
Hurt some one I loved, and cared alot about
Thats just spilled milk that's been cleaned up though
Point is, last time I got a "gut" feeling, I did something wrong
Even in the wrong doing, it ended being worth it for all the love and joy I gained
Just to end up heartbroken, I let my guard down, what a damn shade
.......
I know I'm not the only one who's had they're heart broken
OR even just walked all over and mistreated
But as some one full of love I know, we all deserve the best
Some one who's love for us will never rest
So smile, and say fuck living miserable and sad
Find yourself a real man or woman who can make you glad
Men stop chasing immature girls, and Women stop chasing after boys
Because love isn't just for fun, or some sort of toy
Love and being in love is a great feeling to have, it is the bodies cocaine
So when you can't fight it or understand why you love some one, don't feel ashamed
Embrace love, be love, show love, just love with an open heart
& For every douche bag who tries to tear it apart
It just means you're one step closer to finding that special someone
Who can put all the broken pieces together, and will never run
....
Yea, I'm ranting, so what, fuck you
Kiss my ass and oh yea, fuck you
I'm not doing this for attention,
or for anyones sympathy
Just some shit I need to get off my chest
and I want to do it beautifully
Hope you enjoyed my poem,
From yours truly
TahGee