All I wanted to do was feel alive

All I wanted to do was feel alive
outside the bubble of my own chaos.
In the cracking and crumbling of my rib cage
doubled over and gasping for breath
I’ve never felt less alive.

My fingers entwine themselves
with synthesised illusions
that fuck me from every angle
the only hands to rest themselves upon me
my own.

I tear the flesh and rip myself apart
like a ghost smashing the veil
for one last touch of humanity
lost down a well
where a boy once waited
a rope taut around his neck
all air hung from his desperate lungs.

I fracture under the weight of my ability
to never stop grieving
to never stop wanting
to never stop believing
in impossible dreams
that can’t be staunched
and bleed my subconscious mind
into hollow oblivion.

All I wanted to do was feel alive
outside the bubble of my own chaos.
In the cracking and crumbling of my rib cage
doubled over and gasping for breath
I’ve never felt less alive.

© Indie Adams 2012