SEEING HER NOW AFTER ALL OF THIS TIME….

Is like watching myself changing within the time that I am given to view the way things are right now.
I guess that like a lot of other mortals, I’ve been breathing in a world that I don’t really understand.
Sometimes I’m feeling like I’ve turned every block in this planet, but today I turned a corner to a street of many names but its title known as Wall Street… because I think I heard an angel singing, the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard.
I turned the dark and gloomy alley way and found someplace new with different streets and fresh faces that I never knew existed before in my life, they were so unrecognizable, but as the ashes of a past that I once lived began to pepper down around me, the memory began to come in clearer as I took a harder look, there was something in these mortals so familiar to me, thinking a little more harder as I trip over my stumping foot, I fell beneath their heels of silver and they walked all over me, their faces blank like zombies, their eyes soulless without hope because they hope for so much but their hopes are to pull through another minute of the past that they once lived.
I stand up and I make my way through this same crowd again and I run down the street, but something more held me back, their hands grasp my body as they pull me back with them, I look back at them as they scream at me, as they bully me and call me so, so many hurtful things, the feeling greets me once more, the feeling where I am so small and long to me invisible, seizing to exist in the day and time because I’ve returned back at the wrong time, but the right time ended when she picked up that bottle of liquid courage last Tuesday when she found herself alone again but she doesn’t realize, she doesn’t realize that I had been there too.
This feels like pure hell to me as I’m having to relive all of this all over again, the point in my life I’ve somehow stumbled upon living in a never ending nightmare because in this life there is no rest, there is only the torment of being alone and having them all treat me like nothing when all along I’ve known that I am the only thing they really have, that I have always remained the one weak enough to allow them to get by with treating me this way, for they are too cowardly to take their hatred out on the ones who have their comings to them but still today I suffer the consequences on the ones who haven’t realized yet that they are just as fucked as they claim me to be, they don’t want to acknowledge the fact that I’ve know they are just as I am, and they have been for a while. My mind turns now just to the east as I see a house out in the distance, I know I’ve been here before, it beckons me its way and I run to that house because there’s something there I’m meant to see I know there’s something there that waits to be found.
I see the girl sitting on the porch steps crying as she’s pouring her heartache out through her pen of blood about how her mom and dad are going at it again, I hear her father in the kitchen screaming, threatening that he is leaving again, but that this time he won’t be coming back home again. I walk through the kitchen door to see her mother stumble into her father’s arms again, I see her father take her mother by the shoulders and bang her head against a wall with a hole in it from previous beatings, the girl expresses that that hole in the wall symbolizes the hole of emptiness in her life where she’s supposed to have both parents, the girl fears this happening to her someday but she feels its destined to take place
the girl pouring herself out, expressing this same heartache through her pen of blood, I take a harder look as I see she’s writing about the same thing she always ends up writing about; sadness, loss in faith, loss in hope, dying but she thinks she’s already dead, she thinks she’s already been buried and that she has no other choice but to live in that time zone. Her eyes fix above her now as she stares at them out her window, as she watches the restless children laugh and scream along the road of broken dreams.
She knows they laugh and scream only because they don’t know what they have ahead of them tomorrow, they cannot imagine it for their minds are still innocent and their hearts are still untainted.
The girl now looks over at her clock that ticks away on her bedroom wall and with a sigh, she returns to her writing. This girls bedroom seems so familiar to me as I look around, I’ve been here before, that girl, she’s writing because it’s her only hope for a better and brighter tomorrow, that girl she writes because it’s the only thing she knows that still remains that is allowing her to discover more and more about the rhythm of her soul because there’s always been a song that plays out in her heart, on she’s meant to sing  but she’s still writing that today, she’s writing it and keeping it safe today because she doesn’t know where she’s going to be tomorrow, she doesn’t even know if she’ll have her bedroom to go to so she keeps it portable, she keeps it all inside right now…