hiding in hatred

I hate this...
I hate everything about this...
past churning memories..
we laugh
I cant hide
words I wouldnt say
choke on my voice
worry more
try more
trying to hide
in these tears...
I try so hard to hide them from you...
hiding in a drink
hiding everything...

I want to tell you "I'm sorry"
a thousand times

for all of this I am doing
for what I did
all of these idiotic things
I hate this I hate everything about this
I hate it all...

these feelings

I want to say "I'm sorry"
a million times

for all these lies
these mistakes
these turns

we drifted apart

falling stone
sand grains floating
dirt-ashes in a box...
dusted and dingy

5 years
5 years

I hate this
I hate everything about this

I want to tell you everything
I want to tell about it all
and why
how woried
how confused

But Im so caught up
in how it was before
choked on my words I cant say a thing

what am I doing
who am I suposed to be
who am I
where did I run off to this time

cant find myself
cant force myself to look in that drink looks so perfect in my hand...just one more...

trying to be so strong
when you dont need that anymore

so woried about him
so scared for him
so blind
so idiotic
so ugly
everything I am is ugly
its idiotic
blind

I'm hiding in
these tears...
I'm trying so hard to hide them from you...

who am I doing this for
why
why its always another why
I hate it
I hate it
I hate everything about it
but...

I'm hiding in that bottle
I'm hiding in that pipe
in all those things
hiding in that bottle
in that world
in those scars
I'm hiding
I'm hiding
I'm hiding in those tears...I try so hard to hide those from you..


please want to come...
Please stay with me on thursday...and everyday after...
please want to come back
please want to stay

all of you... all of you...