A Moment Between Words

A odd thing happened yesterday that I'm hesitant to write about. It left me with mixed feelings that I'm not entirely comfortable with. But, I think it needs telling.  
 
My whole day was occupied by setting up and selling my stuff at a garage sale. It was a hot day and things were rather slow. I had time to contemplate the act of selling my worldly possessions to strangers, and that planted a seed for a poem I posted here later in the day.  
 
Well, that's the prelude. I guess I'll word my way up to the odd occurrence. Late in the day I saw a passenger van stop out front. It was not the usual sedans, pickups, and minivans that I had been seeing all day. It was the kind of van you would see transporting people on an outing. The riders emptied out. They were five young women, three of which were in some way developmentally impaired, and the other two were their escorts.  
 
It was clear they were excited to do some fun shopping. They all browsed the selections and found one thing or another they wanted fairly quickly. Each of the young women asked me various questions about the books or cds they wanted, and our conversations, although short, were clear and easy. I was feeling good that they were having fun and the communication was better than I had expected it would be.  
 
Then one of young women, who hadn't spoken yet, addressed me. Her speech was extremely halting and it was very hard for her to even get a word out. She would open her mouth to speak and just kind of stall there. Not a stutter, but a full on stop - waiting for the words. This was only slightly disconcerting to me, as I had thought there might be some small challenge talking with any of them. However, I found it was easy enough to just wait her out and maintain eye contact to encourage her to continue.

It was then, when looking into her eyes, that I was overwhelmingly struck by how incredibly beautiful this young woman was. It was startling to me. Her eyes were so penetrating and her gaze was so direct and open, it was like she was looking right into my being. In those long moments between her words, it was like she knew I would wait an eternity, if that's what it took, for her to get the words out. And, I felt like I could do just that - gaze into her beautiful eyes and stay in them forever. She finally managed to get her words out and seemed very pleased to have done so, although sadly, I didn't entirely understand her - and I think she knew that, too.  
 
A few minutes later she spoke to me again, and I had the same incredible feeling of falling into her eyes and making a deeply intense connection. This time I understood her halting message - that she was staying at a camp nearby. I was very pleased to have been able to have our brief communication. Even just on the surface of that experience, it felt good to be able to help her talk with someone new, and to be a part of that.  
 
But, there is something that continues to bother me. I feel this young woman touched a place in my heart very profoundly. I really fell quite deeply into the well of her eyes in a way that I have never experienced before. Whether it was just the incredible openness of her very direct and penetrating look at me, or if it was truly a deeper connection, is a mystery.  
 
And so, I question myself about this feeling. I know for certain that I am very privileged to have had this wonderfully intense yet brief connection with this amazing person, and I treasure that. I continue to tell myself that the emotional response I felt is quite natural, but none-the-less it is troubling to me. I know that I long for that connection again - what ever it was, but know it can not be.  
 
I'm not sure what to make of this, or what to do with it. The feeling that this young woman elicited in me was not sexual or lustful, but it was still a very strong sense of "connection" - the only way I can describe it. I feel uncomfortable that this seems somehow inappropriate. Yet, at the same time I believe it's a very rare and special thing - and I won't soon forget it.