Hell

i still have that feeling
you know
the feeling you get when the one special person walks by
the butterflies
i get them when i think about him
i get them when i see him
i get those stupid little butterflies when he strokes my face before i fall into the never ending pit of his love
I sort-of hate those butterflies
because it ruins the surprise of my love
it ruins it
i know he loves me by the way he looks at me
he cant see that from my eyes
i tell him
but when he sees me shiver when i see him
he knows its a shiver from those stupid little butterflies
It just ruins the surprise
but
he still waits for me to tell him
he knows i like telling him how much i love him
it takes me awhile to get all the words right
but when i do
i blurt them out
like a river spiting out its contents into the ocean
i can rarely stop myself
but he stops me with a sweet innocent kiss;
i sometimes give in to my temptation for his lips and just let him kiss me for as long as he wants
other days i push him away trying to strengthen myself for other days when i know i may not get enough time with him
I strengthen myself because i know one day he will be gone
I wont see him until i die
i mean, i could always shorten the waiting time
by ending my "life", if thats what it is
i could always just push the knife a little harder...
but no
i promised
i swore
i crossed my little broken heart
i can not commit suicide
i can not and sadly, will not
when he is gone...
when that day comes...
i will have to wait
i will have to wait until my time is up
but
hey
there is always hell