Secrets (Read By Indie)

when I was eight
daddy came to my room
he said, “it’s our secret”
[that] was the last time I cried
 
it’s been five years
every night’s the same
these days I’m just numb
begging to feel something
[anything] to know I exist
 
I took the blade from my razor today
I’ve been sitting here, holding it, staring
wondering why I have this temptation
like I have no choice
 
I push the edge against my skin
and pull it toward me
the pain from our first “secret”
fills the cut, and pools
into tears of blood
 
I do it again
this time the pain is from a promise
to not tell anyone
or he’d keep “secrets” with my sister too
 
a cut deeper than the last
for when mommy caught daddy
shut the door, and walked away
she fixed my favorite breakfast the next morning
 
years of hurt and tears not cried
flow freely down my arm  
garnet rivers that remind me  
I can feel
I am still human
I am  
alive.
 
 
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