deepundergroundpoetry.com
Cut Me Like You Used To(performed by Jestalessa)
Cut me
like you used to
when you really-really knew me.
Show me those owl-eyes
that read every twitch and hair
channeling from eye to razor-lips
(quicker than the twitch)
your reflex that snaps
my attempted discretions.
I believe your focus
has honed elsewhere
somewhere, someone -
who drains and teases your pulse.
You don't even notice
the midnight butterflies
with singed wings
from your humming-light.
Drones to the droning
and I'm no different
but my eyes
are seething
with your subconscious theatre.
I see you, and
really wish I couldn't I
wish you could see me -
so please, cut me
like you used to
when you really fucking knew me.
Published 27th Jul 2012
| Edited 1st Aug 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 2
comments 15
reads 1161
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
27th Jul 2012 8:55pm
Read it just now a couple times and the bit I love that stuck in me each time was the way that 'I' hangs at the end of the line "really wish I couldn't I". The way it leaves a gap before you stumble onto the word 'wish' is like this quick intake of hurt worried breath. I think it also has this effect of making it seem like the narrator is suddenly pouring out feelings and catches himself at the 'I' before treading vulnerably into "wish you could see me". Love that.
Works really well how "cut me" both times is allowed a line space to dig deep. That whole phrase "cut me like you used to when you really fucking knew me" is one of those that just click right into place as if it's been meaning to be said for years.
This would sound great read aloud, I think.
Works really well how "cut me" both times is allowed a line space to dig deep. That whole phrase "cut me like you used to when you really fucking knew me" is one of those that just click right into place as if it's been meaning to be said for years.
This would sound great read aloud, I think.
27th Jul 2012 10:33pm
As most of the more concise scattered structures they are aimed at being more vocal.
All the rest is just praise and all I can say is thank you. So, thanks. Far too kind though.
All the rest is just praise and all I can say is thank you. So, thanks. Far too kind though.
27th Jul 2012 10:07pm
Something real special in that second stanza,and nicely biting write in general
27th Jul 2012 10:36pm
27th Jul 2012 11:52pm
30th Jul 2012 8:13am
31st Jul 2012 9:49pm
Anonymous
30th Jul 2012 8:40am
I'm just really enjoying your poetry. Unique style.
31st Jul 2012 9:50pm
1st Aug 2012 8:18pm
wow the piece itself is great and with the audio reading, it made this psychotically creepy(good).
2nd Aug 2012 11:12am
4th Aug 2012 11:06am
I love this more than I love cake. And I really fucking love cake. And tacos. God I want a taco.
Uh... anyway...
Reading list!
Uh... anyway...
Reading list!
4th Aug 2012 11:53am
Wow, it transcended a man's love for cake?
I'll take that as the highest praise, so thanks man.
I'll take that as the highest praise, so thanks man.
11th Aug 2012 12:57pm
Woa. This is great. Good to see a team effort, great words and voice, glad I stopped in.
11th Aug 2012 4:48pm
