deepundergroundpoetry.com
Mistery (writersblock, need inspiration, please comment!!!)
I’ve painted a portret of my mistery
When I close my eyes, it’s you I see
You took more than just my sanity
You took all that was left of me
When I close my eyes, it’s you I see
You took more than just my sanity
You took all that was left of me
Published 25th Jul 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Aug 2012 11:08am
Mmm, I love the mis-spelling of Mistery ...
What else did you want to say?
Is this about someone new or someone in your past?
What else did you want to say?
Is this about someone new or someone in your past?
14th Aug 2012 10:35pm
If it was me, I'd keep the 1st 2 lines at the start, push the 2nd 2 lines to the end, and fill in the middle.
You could develop the theme of painting a portrait ... starting with a blank canvas, etching the outline, with some detail of what it looks like ... then slowly build up, layer upon layer of colour and texture ... maybe fill in the background too ... maybe with an empty room, that slowly fills up as you add more things ... and then finish with the special details of the face - something about the eyes, the smile, the skin, the hair ... really paint that portrait in words ...
Then you could describe the flaws ... and build up to why it all went wrong ... and finish with the last two lines ...
Hope that helps :-)
You could develop the theme of painting a portrait ... starting with a blank canvas, etching the outline, with some detail of what it looks like ... then slowly build up, layer upon layer of colour and texture ... maybe fill in the background too ... maybe with an empty room, that slowly fills up as you add more things ... and then finish with the special details of the face - something about the eyes, the smile, the skin, the hair ... really paint that portrait in words ...
Then you could describe the flaws ... and build up to why it all went wrong ... and finish with the last two lines ...
Hope that helps :-)
