the "new old" life

I'm back again, but I'm not home.
Left my family by choice to go to my split family back here.
I come home but my family leaves, we are not together
Not a real family.

I don't belong here.
Never have, never will.
It's like a shadow hanging over me,
No one here understands me.

I came home with hopes of it being right
but as always I'm left broken hearted when they leave.
She lasted a day with me before my sister once again left,
no way to find her, we are all left here wondering.

I don't think I've ever felt this bad,
before I just didn't think I belonged anywhere,
but leaving the one place I felt home to go to this place,
its just not right, not fair.

Why me?, why did I have to be here?
I cannot see why I have to live this life,
A life where I do not belong,
Where I'd do anything to get away.

People see me, but they don't.
No one sees all the pain I carry,
They call me weak, they say I can't handle pressure.
They do not know where I come from.

There's more to me that a smile,
more than my attitude.
It's all a way to hide my tears,
Hide my weakness.

At the end of the day all I have is my looks,
I got my makeup to hide, clothes to hide, I push out what I got,
skinny clothes, skin and everything I can.
That's to stop people from looking further on me.

I hide my emotions, but I also show tears.
I'm mixed, never showing my real feelings
but never to hard to break.
I'm a fighter but it's getting close to my limit.

I do not feel good,
if I could I'd leave,
go somewhere far away and never look back
never come back, never see any of them again.

But I can't do that,
they have me captured in a life I do not belong
Like an animal I'm out for show
Nobody cares, so why should I anymore?