Abused By Thoughts

Some days all i want to do is cry.
The random moments when certain words target my mind.
They tell me things i never want to hear,
but they just plague my mind,
they are stuck,
never leaving.
Attacking my inner mind,
sometimes, i don't know who i am anymore.

Through texts,
through messages
was I just being used,
was I a toy that you can just play with?

I move on
I just shine that little smile
During the night I suffer
Crying, wondering what did I do wrong?
I thought everything was okay, but I guess not.

I feel like I rot in Hell.
An, Earthly Hell.
One where I can't escape,
my heart grows with hate for you.

Not the first time I actually hated someone,
you number two on the list of haters
even though they say you guys are motivators
I find it to not be true.

I'm surrounded by people who give me that look.
That icy cold stare
the one where you feel like dying.
That one look where you ask yourself "What did I do?"

I'm afraid, if I let you go,
my feelings might disappear.
I knew they were true,
but for you, it turned to be false.

So who am I?
I'm heartbroken,
innocent,
just trying
I am me.