< breast shower >

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it was really a joke
my request for breast pictures

but some smart-ass sent it around...

last night, and today, SO many
and the rate's increasing...

i see in this era of government-induced paranoia (vis-à-vis terrorism,
evolution, and everything reproductive), that a few people have taken
to heart the pronouncement: "all jokes taken seriously".

i was joking (didn't you see that happy face?).
i don't have any beads!!

still, i feel honor-bound not to seem like some kind of degenerate spammer,
so i am sending back all those breast jpegs and erasing them from my
computer. (wait, no, i'm just going to erase them, since, i just realized
that some of you are younger than 18 (probably most of you, considering the
responses) and in this era of government-induced... (see above), i might just
end up in jail.

(and to those of you innocents who actually believed me, my sincere apologies.)
(though the number of innocents who email pictures of breasts to strangers must
surely be vanishingly small.)

and now to that joker who must have done this:
(hey, i'm not so stupid i can't count how many people read it on this board.)

1. fuck you! :)

2. i salute your supreme smart-ass-ness. i realize this is my karma coming
back to me, i richly deserve it, and i will humbly accept my lot.
(i actually enjoyed the first 50 or so.)

3. my theory on how it happened:
NO one working all night posting to boards, or even having access to several
humongous mailing lists could do this. the email addresses all seem to be different,
and the pictures are different. if i take, as an estimate, that 1 person in a 100 would
respond, then 1300 (at last approximate count) times 100 is 130,000!!!!! (clearly impossible.)
(thank god i have broadband; cause if i didn't, i'd be truly fucked.)
since there are some very original replies, my guess is that some minor smart-ass
from here (i salute you as well) posted my reply to a few boards, or emailed
it to a few friends. among them was you, darth (is it ok if i call you darth?).
the software engineer in me suspects you have a program that goes out and gets
sequential pictures from a list of specified sites (in this case porn),
and then sends an email with a bogus "from" address through some unprotected
mail-server (typical spamming tactic).


now as to some of the non-robotic of the submissions:

1. big deal... i can copy breasts from porn sites myself. these rate a 0 on my
scale of 0 to 10. (well, ok, not all. the jpeg of the woman with four breasts
gets an 8.)

2. the topless woman with the tits-up chihuahua coyly covering her own
breasts gets a perfect 10 (though your dog is ugly).

3. mr. knight: it's called a "breastplate". but, since that was jane fonda wearing
the damned thing, i guess it qualifies.

4. the cross-dresser who sent me a picture of his hi-tech siloxane breast-forms:
if you hadn't been holding them in your hands, i really couldn't have told the
difference. (damn those look good, i'll bet you're dangerous!) :)

5. any picture with a dog in it gets a 9. if a curly-haired poodle-like thing, a 10

disqualified submissions:

1. that city in france is spelled "brest". (now if you'd sent me a second picture
of the one in germany and called it brest's, i'd have allowed it in the interests
of encouraging creativity.)

2. ok, i'm picky, but i did say "breasts". so those frogs, chickens, snakes, etc.
are disqualified. (technically, non-mammalian animals have only one breast.
(and no nipples, by-the-way, mr. photoshop.) (what is it about the internet
and snakes?)

-ray