deepundergroundpoetry.com
< three red clocks >
ticking their tocks
chanting their vows
with tiny mouths...
singing
in the songs of seconds
voicing
in the minute's chance
speaking
of the hour's progression
daring
in the day's good dance
these red clocks
their double-A's
(both Duracell and bunny)
conflicted smiles
upon their face
watching
find us funny
spinning in the summer sun
creeping through the winter
with brethren they wait patiently
for time and thoughts
to splinter
- - -
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Published 29th Jun 2012
| Edited 20th Jul 2012
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likes 9
reading list entries 3
comments 9
reads 961
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
29th Jun 2012 10:13am
I really like the tone as well as the rhyme in the poem. Its cyclical and emotional as well from behind and very funny just like mocking away the passed time. A very different attempt Lemmy!!!
29th Jun 2012 10:15am
Anonymous
29th Jun 2012 12:03pm
Nice write Lemmy. Gotta run though...I'm out of it....Hey Bunny!
Strider
Strider
29th Jun 2012 1:48pm
29th Jun 2012 8:25pm
Another good one by yourself...has all the trademarks intelligence and creativity of one of your works
6th Jul 2012 10:39am
I'll break their little hands if they look at us that way again. Who's to judge what goes on in the room at 11:00pm? -- certainly not clocks.
19th Jul 2012 11:50pm
I like the strained touch that the last verse brings to the whimsical beginning. I like the light rhyme, though I'm not crazy about using dance twice in the second verse, especially since you're rhyming it with itself. Then again, I'm an admitted servant to structure, haha. I can find no weak spots in the tone or the meaning behind it, though.
21st Jul 2012 00:01am
just changed
"in the minute's dance"
to
"in the minute's chance"
happier? :)
"in the minute's dance"
to
"in the minute's chance"
happier? :)
21st Jul 2012 5:39am
I love the flow, the pensive thoughts to invoke. I love how much depth you emote within your passionate words. Beautiful write.
