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red wine for the soul
He had the kind of voice that left me
with a hankering for red wine
every time his tongue overflowed with longing
And it would have taken a miracle
for his hands to ever get past
the lines of my panties
though his voice had carried its way
into my cunt many times before
my crossed legs the only indication
that I had something to hide
Yet no amount of sweet talking
could have made me love him more
than “just friends”
though he tried – in his whore-like way
to bend my will to jealousy
Countless empty bottles spent
to weaken my cross-legged resolve
that never resulted in the desired effect
with me crying on his shoulder
that I was loveless and unlovable
contrary to the shoulder that caught my tears
© Indie Adams 2012
with a hankering for red wine
every time his tongue overflowed with longing
And it would have taken a miracle
for his hands to ever get past
the lines of my panties
though his voice had carried its way
into my cunt many times before
my crossed legs the only indication
that I had something to hide
Yet no amount of sweet talking
could have made me love him more
than “just friends”
though he tried – in his whore-like way
to bend my will to jealousy
Countless empty bottles spent
to weaken my cross-legged resolve
that never resulted in the desired effect
with me crying on his shoulder
that I was loveless and unlovable
contrary to the shoulder that caught my tears
© Indie Adams 2012
Published 1st Jul 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
1st Jul 2012 3:15am
A shudder and a shoulder. Combining kinetic description within emotional decisions works well to hook your reader at every brook, getting them warmer to the end and ending ... cold. A good shock, steady ride.
1st Jul 2012 3:21am
Thank you very much Loki for your lovely feedback :) I like a little of the unexpected.
1st Jul 2012 3:37am
I love this poem...very heartfelt and why do I sense a little humor in this as well as sadness intertwined...kind of a"It is what it is" mentality...
Check your first stanza on the sixth line ...word or two is missing there I'm sure..needs to be fixed
Good stuff my dear....thanks
Check your first stanza on the sixth line ...word or two is missing there I'm sure..needs to be fixed
Good stuff my dear....thanks
I meant 2nd stanza sixth line...:).....actually I just reread it and it reads fine now...am I losing it or did you fix it...I'm gonna have a drink now...don't listen to me...:)
1st Jul 2012 6:11am
lol, thanks for your feedback Philip. No edits done to this poem. I think you might be losing it :P
1st Jul 2012 4:24am
He couldn't uncross those legs. A women that knows exactly what she wants. And says it well. Nice poem indie
1st Jul 2012 6:11am
1st Jul 2012 6:28am
Easy flow refreshing read...kinda. Refreshing that its laid out lovely no real quibbles. Not refreshing in the unrequitted love aspect. Can empathize with the words alone being granted access. Shitty.
Sidenote: the word cunt stuck out for me, as so stern. Dont know if thats cultural. Prob the only word in america that packs an inherit punch. Is it the same for you? Is it the same as pussy, or meant with more bite?
Sidenote: the word cunt stuck out for me, as so stern. Dont know if thats cultural. Prob the only word in america that packs an inherit punch. Is it the same for you? Is it the same as pussy, or meant with more bite?
Thanks for your feedback LB. Unrequited love is never refreshing. We've all been there. I guess this is an spin on the topic, though I never really thought about it like that.
I used to find cunt a really vulgar and disgusting word, but I realise that it has it's artistic place. I now use it when I want maximum impact. Depending on how I want the line/verse/poem to read dictates whether or not I use it, though I am getting more comfortable with its usage.
It does means the same as pussy - which I'd never use unless referring to an actually cat - but is less acceptable in everyday usage than other words meaning the same thing. Here if you call someone a cunt, it's meant to be 100% offensive.
Peace, Indie
I used to find cunt a really vulgar and disgusting word, but I realise that it has it's artistic place. I now use it when I want maximum impact. Depending on how I want the line/verse/poem to read dictates whether or not I use it, though I am getting more comfortable with its usage.
It does means the same as pussy - which I'd never use unless referring to an actually cat - but is less acceptable in everyday usage than other words meaning the same thing. Here if you call someone a cunt, it's meant to be 100% offensive.
Peace, Indie
