deepundergroundpoetry.com
Amour fou (3)
Tie up the rulers, doubleknotting
with the folly of imposed order
Storm the walls, for its our castle
and as we pillage the storehouse
let's spoil what's extra
in a homage to excess
Roll out the guillotines
so we can publicly castrate
every last bit of inhibition
and as our reservations
explode like fireworks
opening the nights sky
let's dance as fallen angels
in freshly found feet
Make a joyful sound
for our existence
although forever
is but fleeting
You and I
composed of stars
feed on frenzy alone
Beauty is a refracted by-product
of our catastrophic electricity
so, as the poets scurry for wording
let's give them shadows
to sift through
with the folly of imposed order
Storm the walls, for its our castle
and as we pillage the storehouse
let's spoil what's extra
in a homage to excess
Roll out the guillotines
so we can publicly castrate
every last bit of inhibition
and as our reservations
explode like fireworks
opening the nights sky
let's dance as fallen angels
in freshly found feet
Make a joyful sound
for our existence
although forever
is but fleeting
You and I
composed of stars
feed on frenzy alone
Beauty is a refracted by-product
of our catastrophic electricity
so, as the poets scurry for wording
let's give them shadows
to sift through
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
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comments 12
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The author encourages honest critique.
:)
29th Jun 2012 4:12am
lightbaron
ah truly the torch bearer. this my
friend is an anthem. it should be
pasted on walls and taught to kids
who are hidden at safety from the
scheming world.
loved the reference to fallen angel.:)
'I and you
composed of stars
feed on frenzy alone '
this was beautifully well done. envy.
S7 is superlative. i love how you have
so effortlessly put forward a simple and
magnificent idea. love the cryptic symbols
left thru out.
Bravo. [may the other side be yours]
Sumeet
ah truly the torch bearer. this my
friend is an anthem. it should be
pasted on walls and taught to kids
who are hidden at safety from the
scheming world.
loved the reference to fallen angel.:)
'I and you
composed of stars
feed on frenzy alone '
this was beautifully well done. envy.
S7 is superlative. i love how you have
so effortlessly put forward a simple and
magnificent idea. love the cryptic symbols
left thru out.
Bravo. [may the other side be yours]
Sumeet
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re: :)
29th Jun 2012 4:44am
Re: Amour fou (3)
Anonymous
29th Jun 2012 5:11am
Mate...like it. Boom-crash ending sits well, with enough crunchy ideas and pleasing sounds to let the reader roll through it, just enjoying the slight vinegar tang.
(a few readablity issues;
let's spoil what's extra
in a homage to excess
allow for the all-out molestation
on(?) freshly found feet
for our existence, although forever, )
None of these are show-stoppers...merely a bit of sanding back the rough edges to make the finish shine.
This voice, this ethereal magical voice, full of hope and dispair somehow at the same time, defiant in joy of words, is a damn good one....good luck to you man :-)
dp
(a few readablity issues;
let's spoil what's extra
in a homage to excess
allow for the all-out molestation
on(?) freshly found feet
for our existence, although forever, )
None of these are show-stoppers...merely a bit of sanding back the rough edges to make the finish shine.
This voice, this ethereal magical voice, full of hope and dispair somehow at the same time, defiant in joy of words, is a damn good one....good luck to you man :-)
dp
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re: Re: Amour fou (3)
29th Jun 2012 5:14pm
Dp thank you much its encouraging that you can hear that from my voice...also thanks much on the edits, went ahead using that polish...the on\in thing with the feet is a bit odd w me,they both sound right.thinkn on that
Re: Amour fou (3)
Anonymous
29th Jun 2012 8:20am
Greetings, lightbaron, aside from the pacifying flow of this piece, your ending was very exceptional, almost teasing to those trying to create such perfection, such ingenious, something that is at times hard to achieve. . .atleast that's my interpretation of it.
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re: Re: Amour fou (3)
29th Jun 2012 5:18pm
Geez not much to say but many thank yous devlin...like that teasing aspect you mentioned,great idea of something abstract teasing poets
Re: Amour fou (3)
29th Jun 2012 2:14pm
Well light (I hope it's ok I call you that) I'm new to your poetry
So far I'm very impressed.
This particular stanza made the poem for me
Let's dance as fallen angels
in freshly found feet
Lovely, I really enjoyed this poem. Can't wait to read more from you.
Gg
So far I'm very impressed.
This particular stanza made the poem for me
Let's dance as fallen angels
in freshly found feet
Lovely, I really enjoyed this poem. Can't wait to read more from you.
Gg
0
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re: Re: Amour fou (3)
29th Jun 2012 5:20pm
Re: Amour fou (3)
29th Jun 2012 8:19pm
Mr. Baron
I enjoyed this poem quite a bit especially this: Roll out the guillotines
so we can publicly castrate
every last bit of inhibition
I am having a hard time finding something to give criticism about. Perhaps this is a selfish comment but I think I like your style because it is kinda similar to mine at times.
Keep at it brah.
I enjoyed this poem quite a bit especially this: Roll out the guillotines
so we can publicly castrate
every last bit of inhibition
I am having a hard time finding something to give criticism about. Perhaps this is a selfish comment but I think I like your style because it is kinda similar to mine at times.
Keep at it brah.
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re: Re: Amour fou (3)
29th Jun 2012 8:48pm
Re: Amour fou (3)
2nd Jul 2012 1:52am
Bachannalian weapons can be summed up with "LIBERATION!" For that I admire your crusade, Comrade!
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re: Re: Amour fou (3)
2nd Jul 2012 2:39am