deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Black Queen
The queen who's story is rarely told
The queen who's blood runs secretly cold
Under her ball room dress lies
All her knifes and guns in disguise
She plays the game sweet like the white queen
And like the red queen deadly and mean
She'll have you fooled with her charm
Just to turn and kill you secretly with no alarm
She will gently hug you
While stabbing a knife straight threw
Though no one notices as the bodies pile
She honestly can't help but smile
She was get away with murder
Yet the masses still loved her
What couldn't be better?
Oh wait no one can behead her!
It seems she's winning this game,
The game of Wonderland, with no shame...
The queen who's blood runs secretly cold
Under her ball room dress lies
All her knifes and guns in disguise
She plays the game sweet like the white queen
And like the red queen deadly and mean
She'll have you fooled with her charm
Just to turn and kill you secretly with no alarm
She will gently hug you
While stabbing a knife straight threw
Though no one notices as the bodies pile
She honestly can't help but smile
She was get away with murder
Yet the masses still loved her
What couldn't be better?
Oh wait no one can behead her!
It seems she's winning this game,
The game of Wonderland, with no shame...
Published 24th Jun 2012
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
An excellent concept and well done but I feel like it needs a little tweeking here and there.
For instance, within the context you're using . . . .there would be no actual "white queen" but you could still use the concept of being deceptively kind.
Maybe something like,
"Playing her game - so deceptively sweet.
But like the red queen, deadly and mean."
Also, "through" not "threw" and "she was get away w/ murder" sounds off. "She's gotten away" with murder or is " getting away with murder" sounds better.
Sorry to be picky, I just feel like this concept has a lot of potential :-)
For instance, within the context you're using . . . .there would be no actual "white queen" but you could still use the concept of being deceptively kind.
Maybe something like,
"Playing her game - so deceptively sweet.
But like the red queen, deadly and mean."
Also, "through" not "threw" and "she was get away w/ murder" sounds off. "She's gotten away" with murder or is " getting away with murder" sounds better.
Sorry to be picky, I just feel like this concept has a lot of potential :-)
24th Jun 2012 10:36pm
24th Jun 2012 10:37pm
5th Jul 2012 9:16pm
5th Jul 2012 9:21pm
