God I Miss You

God I miss you.
I know I can move on without you,
but I don't want to anymore.
I know I still have you by my side,
but not the way I want you to be.
God I miss you
but I probably know you aren't coming back.

I miss the way
you use to be shy around me,
never really looking me in the eye when you spoke.
I miss the way
you use to hug me,
never wanting to let me go.
I miss the way
you use to tickle me with the stubble on your chin,
making me tell you to please stop(I never wanted you to stop),
but you never did.

You're still shy around me,
still not looking me into the eye.
But you are finally gaining courage.
You still hug me,
more often than you did then,
still not wanting to let me go.
You still try tickling me,
making me fight back,
laughing like I use to.

You know of my secret.
I know of yours.
But we are still only friends.
You tell me
if I need help
to tell you
and
you'll be there.
If I want to try killing myself
or
if the thoughts keep coming back,
you'll be there to stop me from pulling the trigger.
And
I tell you,
if you need me,
I'll always be there for you...

God I miss you.
I know I can move on without you,
but I don't want to anymore.
I know I still have you by my side,
but not the way I want you to be.
God I miss you,
but I probably know you aren't coming back.

I know I can move on now...
Because you are my best friend
and
we never leave each other behind...