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Scarecrow
I put myself out to pasture
some years back
limbs draped in loose cotton
a country bachelor
planted upon someone else’s idea
of natural providence.
The dust that collected
bound me to my lonely duty
of deflecting the warm and the curious.
I was vigilant, but hungered
just out of reach of redemption
and the sweetness
that I watched bloom and ripen.
Even the sky spun about
and every living call stung like laughter
that I could not share.
But you
have let me believe
that I can make this earth move
can part these clods from my feet and even if I fail
not twenty feet down the field
at least I fall
in the act of rising.
some years back
limbs draped in loose cotton
a country bachelor
planted upon someone else’s idea
of natural providence.
The dust that collected
bound me to my lonely duty
of deflecting the warm and the curious.
I was vigilant, but hungered
just out of reach of redemption
and the sweetness
that I watched bloom and ripen.
Even the sky spun about
and every living call stung like laughter
that I could not share.
But you
have let me believe
that I can make this earth move
can part these clods from my feet and even if I fail
not twenty feet down the field
at least I fall
in the act of rising.
Written by
braggman
(Steve Bragg)
Published 17th Jun 2012
| Edited 19th Jan 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 16
reading list entries 5
comments 33
reads 874
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 00:39am
bound me to my lonely duty
of deflecting the warm and the curious.
and
and every living call stung like laughter
that I could not share
Hell-to-the-yeah. Those are AWESOME images.
Also, the last stz is brilliant.
Good dang stuff, Bragg.
of deflecting the warm and the curious.
and
and every living call stung like laughter
that I could not share
Hell-to-the-yeah. Those are AWESOME images.
Also, the last stz is brilliant.
Good dang stuff, Bragg.
1
re: Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 2:05am
Thank you Betty. Thanks for the help as well. "as appealing as french-kissing a wall" would have made some folks cry. For me it was the kick in the ass I needed. You're the best.
Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 1:01am
Bragg.
It was interesting to see your poem grow into what it now reads like. to be honest my first thought was it would be hard to improve on it but I stand corrected.
sorry but I have nothing by way of critique or suggestions.
liked it all from the first line to the last.
great stuff.
It was interesting to see your poem grow into what it now reads like. to be honest my first thought was it would be hard to improve on it but I stand corrected.
sorry but I have nothing by way of critique or suggestions.
liked it all from the first line to the last.
great stuff.
1
re: Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 2:09am
Much thanks Eamon. To see your face with the thumbs up is all the comment I need. I had some damned good help with it and I'm glad that the workshop thing really worked out.
at least I fall in the act of rising.
with just that line i was numbed.
finally you have risen from slumber!
i was waiting for you to spin out something awesome... and you never disappoint. :)
are more on the way? :D
finally you have risen from slumber!
i was waiting for you to spin out something awesome... and you never disappoint. :)
are more on the way? :D
0
re: at least I fall in the act of rising.
17th Jun 2012 2:12am
Hey thank you D. I have been fucking about lately. I just needed to sit down and put the keys in motion again. Yes more will be on the way. I get a good feeling. The sky is clear. There's a fresh breeze. Yes I will.
Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 1:49am
eye 'relate', as per i'thought ye was writin'bout 'me'. that is up til thee last stanza, as i have been (most patiently) awaiting upon such a 'redemption' for 5/6ths of this 21stCent now....
most fine most fine
most fine most fine
0
re: Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 2:22am
Thanks Dan. I'm both happy and sad that you relate, but eventually I guess we all can. Thanks a bunch for the kind words. Your there in the holy land from which I was self-exiled. You're living a bit of my dream and don't even realize it. All we can do is stand by the water and blow that horn as best as we can, my prolific friend from paradise.
re: re: Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 2:08pm
paradise indeed......
bless you*
*even ifn ye aint sneezed of late
bless you*
*even ifn ye aint sneezed of late
1
Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 2:21am
Well written dude. I enjoyed the tone of the poem. Really liked that final stanza. I noticed other comments said that this was a revised piece. Since I am new here I didn't see the old piece but I am sure you did a great job at revising.
1
re: Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 2:26am
Thank you Nathan. It's always good to hear from new members. Speaking up in poem comments is a habit that will get you reads and respect here. Thanks for the comment, man.
re: re: Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 2:34am
No problemo. I am always open to critquing and getting critiques. I look forward to meeting and mingling with a bunch of poets. :P
1
Re: Scarecrow
Anonymous
17th Jun 2012 2:25am
such awesome imagery, steve.
'The dust that collected
bound me to my lonely duty
of deflecting the warm and the curious.'
(this especially. wow.)
i think breaking it into stanzas was a fair upgrade from the original on the thread, though the density of the poem pre-edit reminded me a lot of your poem 'Fog'. but that's just an irrelevant observation.
this is really great stuff. i'm happy to see that you're back from your writing hiatus.
:]
'The dust that collected
bound me to my lonely duty
of deflecting the warm and the curious.'
(this especially. wow.)
i think breaking it into stanzas was a fair upgrade from the original on the thread, though the density of the poem pre-edit reminded me a lot of your poem 'Fog'. but that's just an irrelevant observation.
this is really great stuff. i'm happy to see that you're back from your writing hiatus.
:]
0
re: Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 2:32am
Thank you. I guess I was here and not here at the same time. People noticed. Good observation. I found that the things I go back to fondly have tended to be the quick jabs that I don't over-think on the first pass. I have plenty of time to over think the editing. I'm really glad you liked it.
Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 6:35am
re: Re: Scarecrow
re: re: Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 3:20pm
Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 6:45am
This is a lovely improvement from the original :) The first line is still bugging me though. Flow-wise I'd go with "I" at the beginning of verse 1 L1, not "I'd". L3 could do without "this" IMO it doesn't add anything to the imagery or flow.
Verse 3, L3 "and" would work better than "of" - 3 of's in 2 short lines is a little overpowering.
IMO "But you" in the placement that you have it would work well with "..." on the end, highlighting the pause.
Still love the ending :D aside from a couple of nits, I really like this one.
Peace, Indie
Verse 3, L3 "and" would work better than "of" - 3 of's in 2 short lines is a little overpowering.
IMO "But you" in the placement that you have it would work well with "..." on the end, highlighting the pause.
Still love the ending :D aside from a couple of nits, I really like this one.
Peace, Indie
1
re: Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 7:02am
Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 2:31pm
As my old grandma use to say: "God loves a tryer."
A great use of exquisite imagery and a strong tale of morale. Quite a heartfelt sentiment of oppression and redemption even if it is short, at least the scarecrow tried.
It looks good, reads excellent and hits where it's meant to.
A great use of exquisite imagery and a strong tale of morale. Quite a heartfelt sentiment of oppression and redemption even if it is short, at least the scarecrow tried.
It looks good, reads excellent and hits where it's meant to.
2
re: Re: Scarecrow
17th Jun 2012 2:58pm
Thanks Alptraum. You know that you played more than a small part in turning this from a rough idea into a real poem. The assistance was invaluable. I am in your debt sir.
Re: Scarecrow
Anonymous
17th Jun 2012 5:46pm
A really good metaphorical poem. Original and inventive. The image of the scarecrow trying to move down the field was really sweet. I also loved the lines about living calls. Thanks for the read Steve.
1
re: Re: Scarecrow
Thanks Jack. It was such a simple and plain idea to me that I am a bit taken aback at the response it has gotten. Your support is much appreciated.
Re: Scarecrow
18th Jun 2012 3:51am
It's beautiful how you make a scarecrow with human qualities. I fawn/envy your gift.
1
re: Re: Scarecrow
18th Jun 2012 6:08am
Well minx fawning will get you everywhere, but it's not a gift. I had some help and kept it short. All stacking the deck in my favor. Seriously though, thanks for the compliment. Right back at you.
Re: Scarecrow
Anonymous
26th Jun 2012 4:14am
Well done...makes me want to get off the cross... and scare some crows silly!
Strider
Strider
1
re: Re: Scarecrow
26th Jun 2012 11:59am
Re: Scarecrow
Anonymous
9th Aug 2012 00:40am
"at least I fall in the act of rising"
inspirational indeed
inspirational indeed
1
re: Re: Scarecrow
9th Aug 2012 3:51am
Re: Scarecrow
17th Jan 2013 6:12pm
Amazing imagery!
" The dust that collected bound me to my lonely duty of deflecting the warm and the curious."
My favorite line. I loved how you came up with this and you made it work. It's definatly different and unique.
" The dust that collected bound me to my lonely duty of deflecting the warm and the curious."
My favorite line. I loved how you came up with this and you made it work. It's definatly different and unique.
1
re: Re: Scarecrow
19th Jan 2013 6:12pm
Hey Zoey. Thanks for the comment. Nothing wrong with stopping by the older ones, especially since I'm such a lazy sot about writing new ones these days.
Scarecrow
Anonymous
13th Aug 2013 2:17am
<< post removed >>
re: Scarecrow
13th Aug 2013 3:05am
Ha, ha. Me too. I really, really suck... but. But I take my sucky poems and edit them and edit them... fifty or sixty times. If they are short, like this one was, and if you have folks giving you good advice, eventually they may work into something almost nice. Thank you for stopping in for the read.