Musta been the molly

You tread lightly for such a bearded alpha lb. Fine structure. Internal rhymes. Love the billy club blunt ambition. Your usual sprinkle of atomic dust. I think I saw you use a version of that ending once before, if I'm not mistaken. I can't find it now, but it lands with great effect here. I like the implications of "ravishing." You don't hear it often as a verb. Bold choice. Artful handcrafting.

Thank you very much steve... I have used a similar ending before,still so big an idea to me,keep workin w it

I don't think you need the commas. They just confuse the syntax and flow of this poem. Also, "ambition" in verse three could be moved up a line, just after "blunt", as I tripped up there, and it took me a moment to realise what you meant.
The last verse is magical. It's really sweet and charming. The second verse caught my eye as well. I like the idea of making love "to madness". There's some lovely expressions here which are almost sensual. Critique is JMHO. Thanks for the read.

That right there was hot.

Third stz, there's a weird space after the comma and before the and. Should that second clause be on its own line?

Also, there's an extra space in the fourth stz, fourth line, after the comma, before the and

That is sassy. No other way to describe it. It's a smooth read that blooms in the stomach as it hits... daaannng.

Good freaking stuff, man.

miss betty an ever so thankfulness aimed at you... edited some hopefully reads little smoother

(I see I'm not the only one that gets told off for over-comma-isation, lol)  

Love this piece LB, nihilisticly sensual. Absolutely beautiful. I especially love the ending.

Peace, Indie

Jack betty indie,thank ya ll kindly...i know the comma n spacing issues,thinkn on em..tnanks for suggestions

Great poem. Great use of words. Really enjoyed the flow of it. Keep at it.

mr. schwartz i thank you kindly

No problemo :)

Very romantic and gentle as a summer breeze.


Gypsy red

G the red again I thank you.. Need this kinda write so I remember that im not jaded

tasty cheese ! yum yum munch munch

Haha..grilled cheese!