deepundergroundpoetry.com
Shit Handbag
What you have to Remember,
He said,
Is that the whole world
Isn't like that.
In the gutter, in a shit
handbag, skipping
Out on bills. Driving
You up the wrong
Lane at five
in the morning. I
Said, I know.
But just watching
The cool winged
carrion circle
With long lunging
eyes makes you
Consider skipping
out yourself,
He finished.
He said,
Is that the whole world
Isn't like that.
In the gutter, in a shit
handbag, skipping
Out on bills. Driving
You up the wrong
Lane at five
in the morning. I
Said, I know.
But just watching
The cool winged
carrion circle
With long lunging
eyes makes you
Consider skipping
out yourself,
He finished.
Published 14th Jun 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
14th Jun 2012 5:18pm
Why do some lines begin with capital letters but others don't? The effect is jarring.
The images in this poem are gritty and evocative. You chose a great phrase to be the title. I also like how the last sentence almost contradicts the defiantly optimistic tone of the unnamed man's previous advice. This is a classy and down to earth piece of work, which breathes new life into old themes. Critique is JMHO. Thanks for the read.
The images in this poem are gritty and evocative. You chose a great phrase to be the title. I also like how the last sentence almost contradicts the defiantly optimistic tone of the unnamed man's previous advice. This is a classy and down to earth piece of work, which breathes new life into old themes. Critique is JMHO. Thanks for the read.
14th Jun 2012 5:29pm
I definately agree with that critique, and it is one that I have to be more careful of...it was a way of adding mystery by effect and admittedly unnecessary...
Thank you for the critique! and thanks for reading, take care Jack
Thank you for the critique! and thanks for reading, take care Jack
