deepundergroundpoetry.com
Plan A
What's your master-plan mate
Grow old-fungus-toenails-beard
silent-uninspired-insipid-pathetic
then stop breathing at some ungodly hour
in a nondescript place [may be a cheap inn]
somewhere really faraway
Is that how you want your farewell, ole' pal
an unceremonious, wordless departure
a real letdown
or have you actually put some thought to it
like
those countless members of niche-glitterati
who
drink aloe vera-eat sushi-travel light-fly solo
buy space-real estate in and around-donate-tweet
throw parties with dada or minimal themes
listen to Pere Ubu or Arvo Part
wear organic-use ergonomic
watch Mexican neo-realism and read the Book of Dead
subscribe to lifestyle magazines and news dailies-
pay per square feet [property] or per square inch
[for the entire page with a pro-made-up mugshot]
after months of discussion-contemplation-discussion
once the show is all over just like everyone else
they cease to be just who they ever were
nothing matters thereafter
me
I saw that coming
well I want to go first thing the day
I wake up and don't recognize myself anymore
in the eyes of the ones I have loved
[sans baggage]
having merely become
a thought-a memory-a photograph
[even if it is taken out of the frame and rather kept
inside the old album or drawer]
but darn't
not that-never
or may be I need to plan
as well
damn departure.
*(Old write)
Published 13th Jun 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 749
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
13th Jun 2012 5:21pm
Why does the text change font halfway through? Also, whenever a square bracket appears in another line it's not seperated by a space. For instance: "in a nondescript place[may be a cheap inn]".
The dashes can sometimes be confusing. They work when you're stringing nouns and adjectives together ("old-fungus-toenails-beard") but sometimes they appear randomly ("farewell-ole' pal").
As usual I like your gruff and discontent narrative voice. The verse about wanting to die as soon as the narrator's relatives don't recognise him is effectively written. I think a lot of us can identify with its sentiment.
To place "thought", "memory" and "photograph" side by side in a short line is a good technique; it coneys the importance of those words with subtlety and grace.
I also liked an earlier verse's parody of what successful people take pleasure in and how they spend their time. Lifestyle magazines and academic terms like "neo-realism" are brillianty skewered. You have a sharp satirical eye which doesn't go to waste here.
All critique is JMHO. Thanks for the read.
The dashes can sometimes be confusing. They work when you're stringing nouns and adjectives together ("old-fungus-toenails-beard") but sometimes they appear randomly ("farewell-ole' pal").
As usual I like your gruff and discontent narrative voice. The verse about wanting to die as soon as the narrator's relatives don't recognise him is effectively written. I think a lot of us can identify with its sentiment.
To place "thought", "memory" and "photograph" side by side in a short line is a good technique; it coneys the importance of those words with subtlety and grace.
I also liked an earlier verse's parody of what successful people take pleasure in and how they spend their time. Lifestyle magazines and academic terms like "neo-realism" are brillianty skewered. You have a sharp satirical eye which doesn't go to waste here.
All critique is JMHO. Thanks for the read.
13th Jun 2012 7:15pm
Jack
Thanks a ton. I have made the changes. [Font seemed like an accident.] Yes, there were some random dashes. Have ironed them out.
I am glad it worked out well. I expanded it from a short idea which simply consisted of the first few lines. So I am glad it turned out okay.
Thank your for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. :) Good to have you around.
Sumeet
Thanks a ton. I have made the changes. [Font seemed like an accident.] Yes, there were some random dashes. Have ironed them out.
I am glad it worked out well. I expanded it from a short idea which simply consisted of the first few lines. So I am glad it turned out okay.
Thank your for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. :) Good to have you around.
Sumeet
13th Jun 2012 5:30pm
Enjoyable read, I can relate but as Jack said, 'The dashes can sometimes be confusing'.
"watch Mexican neo-realism-read the Book of Dead"
Is that meant to be "watch Mexican neo-realism" and "read the Book of Dead"? I wouldn't mind old-fungus-toenails :) Keep it up.
"watch Mexican neo-realism-read the Book of Dead"
Is that meant to be "watch Mexican neo-realism" and "read the Book of Dead"? I wouldn't mind old-fungus-toenails :) Keep it up.
13th Jun 2012 7:19pm
Duncan
Good to have you here.[After awhile]
Yes, I see the confusion now. Have made
necessary changes and hope it reads better
now.
I know your sentiments my good man. I know
you won't mind. And it makes me smile.:)
Thank you for stopping by.
Power,
Sumeet
Good to have you here.[After awhile]
Yes, I see the confusion now. Have made
necessary changes and hope it reads better
now.
I know your sentiments my good man. I know
you won't mind. And it makes me smile.:)
Thank you for stopping by.
Power,
Sumeet
