11 Years

Are you fucking kidding me,
11 roller coaster years and this is how you are going to be?
You were only suppose to be a fling just a fuck,
But, here we are fast forward 11 years, isn't it just my luck,
Addiction which lead to being homeless,
Pulling ourselves from that pit time and time again... ridiculous,
Moving, family, getting married once again,
Which was never to be in my plan,
I said that I would do it once, I would try,
That did not work, leaving a broken family and  I don't know why,
I thought I would do it again making it number 2,
And again, I am left sitting here not knowing what the fuck to do,
I have small children I need to put first,
Fighting with you daily, always angry therefore I curse,
The 90 million things that need to be done,  I get a little help which, at this rate I will end up in a hurse,
I understand that you are angry, I am too,
I just do not know if I am strong enough to say that I am through,
I wish that I had a magic crystal ball,
I would rub away and see if the choice I make is right or if I again fall,
In the exact footsteps that I did the first time around,
I can't go through that pain again, you might as well put me 6 feet underground,
Look at you sit so smug over there,
Thinking to yourself that I'm such a bitch and leaving with the kids is not fair,
But, not wanting to do anything to make a change,
And that both hurts and makes me enraged,
With anger thinking that I or the kids are not that important to you,
That your are that selfish and self absorbed, that you do not have a clue,
And...if you do.....
You sure have a way of expressing it,
I know your brain is screaming inside, wanting to lash out at my words I write,
Oh believe me, I can hear you now, so just keep it to yourself, I do not want to fight,
I am sure you are with me when I say enough is enough,
Life does not have to be this fucking rough,
I love you so fucking much,
It kills me that miles apart we will be, not able for me to touch,
Whenever I want, knowing that someone else may get that chance,
Before I go though, how about our last dance,
Hold me tight once more,
I am sorry that this has been such a chore!