The Process of Suicide

 
I'm a danger to myself but only through curiosity. Allow me to defeat the demons under my skin. My muscles are protecting something weaker than themselves. An empty shell of my heart.

The Unsure
I feel sick to the bones
with a cold I can't shake and thoughts finding their way in
I feel like I should leave, but at the same time avoidance sticks against me
I find reason to stay in this fiery hell of my own damned creation
it tempts me with words of utter repetition

The Climax of the Destruction
It appears as though his words are a knife taken to your wrist
a throat strangled by tightened fists
blue hue against those golden eyes of yours, a temptation in the form of emptiness
A promise you won't find with small print.
A small price to pay; for one's pleasure, and your existence being turned on a dime
A twisted smile might fall against his lips, but your brains will fall against him
One push and it breaks your heart, one trigger set will blow your mind
Ah, but temptation  will come with a price, you see temptation is solid at best
A quiet short term offer you can't forgive nor forget
An impulse that pulses from within your neck
pick carefully my friend, the offers ticking by
choose wrong you might just lose your mind, but if you choose right you get an eternity in hell
a crooked smile played against lips like cold metal that bites against your jaw
like a love you never lost
say a goodbye my friend, take a deep breath
for this will be the end

The Glamour Found in Misery
Sweet release is climbing out of the window
opportunity left me stranded wanting more
standing among the decisions unmade
one step for humanity
a crooked goodbye
a bitter reminder of the responsibility you each have
a lost hand on my broken back
the neck is damaged, with kisses lost
it rushes straight to your heart
sweet wind grants the sudden end

The Numb Feelings of Regret
Pain spreads through veins of bright blue
the hue of suffocation, and the taste of sweet iron
pain is but a warning; a pointless ache throughout connecting strings
Each string reverberating against taut pale skin
blue stretches across the expanse of your skin
throbs as if it has some logical reasoning behind it
avoid this! avoid this! they yell at all costs
pressing towards skin
hanging mid air

The Before the In Between
The absence of death in the ward struck hard in the chest
abandoned waiting rooms a few yards up held morgue auditions
I sat there, in silence and stared through walls and paintings
a calm scenery
a happy sunset
forcing emotions on you like an oppressive leader
happiness bought from prints of prints
the things to artificial to revoke a feeling
the pain that it refuses to show will hide behind layers
the events leading up to this day, the whispered rumors found their way to my head
a sort of peace unheard of
a social experiment to open your eyes
my legs found their way to these stiff chairs, awaiting my signal
I found myself choke on familiarity
how absolute it felt in the most artificial of ways
When my name is whispered  behind a locked door my legs found themselves approach confrontation
An injection, the liquid pours through your arm
searching for a place to infect
A social change becomes pertinent, because humanity became a desease
control pumps out of my skin
I found myself forget the purpose
the purpose of breathe in lungs and spoken words
I lost myself bleeding out
conformity never was more ignorant
death is where we all end

The In Between We All Forget
purgatory is an interesting place to be
the absence of smell suffocating your nose
the absence of light or dark
a dreamy continued existence
people say purgatory makes you suffer
and yet since I came here myself I realized earth is substance and purgatory in emptiness
of course you still have your own voice
echoed back against identical trees, hills, and faces
characteristics melding together into one indescribable mess
at first death was a slight surprise
my ripe age of 22 haunting those who remained
I assume I spent my last hour, motionless on a hospital bed
and substance faded away, matter melted into one foreign mass
and my lungs gave up puff after puff of each mechanic breath

The Goodbyes
I sometimes wonder, why you chose to leave this world
I still hear your whispered name hung in the air like regret
the smell of cigarettes that hung around your skin like the sun hangs in the sky
I miss you like a child misses mother's milk
A strange addiction that once was important, but now must be lost
you are slowly fading, to the back of their minds
a slow continued existence
You chose to leave this world, and maybe we are finally honoring your wish
a farewell from the living world's lips



The Nothing You Forget