Untied

My nipples ache as the
blood swoops back in
sharp pulses
that make my head swish
with the sudden rush

and it’s almost too much

and it’s not close to enough

and I don’t trust myself with you because
safe words
are illusions
I like to walk through 

as if they’re haunts trying to
warn me of the danger

I shudder,
my pussy is somehow
starved and sated,
my clit tings with little
after shocks,
my shoulders
ache like the fibers of my very
thoughts are slowly shredding

and I don’t trust myself with you
because I ran thirteen miles
in blistered feet and passed out
four steps past the finish line
convinced of my own
indestructible being

And I felt that way
when you undressed me
and tied me
with your ropes
maniacally invincible,

and the fear felt too good
to do anything other
than cum in your palm

I love the truth in pain.

The clarity.

The only time you’re
really alive is
when it
hurts.
Because you can’t escape it.
Can multitask
or make a grocery list
or doomscroll

You have to be present.

And I’m present.
Always.
With you.

Baby, you hurt to breathe
and I’m as addicted to
the way you ache
as I am a cramping calf

and I don’t trust myself with you
because I’ll never tell you to stop
crushing my windpipe
I’ll lean in for more
and beg you to bruise me
with a handprint necklace
and a matching
you-tattoo
on my
everywhere

hurt me …. everywhere

You run the backs of your
fingers against my
nipples and
I almost scream
at the contact
before I push in for more

Your mouth hovers 
close enough to mine
to steal a kiss
and that’s a danger

I don’t need to steal anything
I gave it to you.

And you take my head
in your large hand
and trail the side of my
neck with butterfly kisses
before you sink your teeth
into my trapezius
hard enough
my knees give out

and your vice-grip
arm around my waist
keeps my shoulders attached
as I moan your name

and I sure as fuck
could die tonight

just to see how far
it can go