flayed open

It's one of those weeks
where all I'm left with
is the thoughts in my head
and you fill in the gaps
like flies to a corpse

I miss you
I want you
I hate you
I refuse to need you
but my bones ache
with the weight of your absence

And I keep asking myself
what in the actual fuck
am I doing to myself
letting you let live
rent free in this hell
that supposed to my haven?

I don't need this
I don't need you
but here you are
inside me
all the fucking time
like a neverending version
of the first time I OD'd
on the train after a night out

I've never been so alive
than when I was sure
I was going to die
peace warring with panic
and I tried to breathe
through eternity
just to see if I could see
the other side of the universe

No one will ever convince me
hell isn't a spiritual experience

And that's you
all the fucking time
inside me
the high and the low
the panic and the peace
the dream and the nightmare

And I wish
I really fucking wish
I'd never gotten on your ride
so that I wouldn't know
what it's like to live without you
when all my bones do is scream
TOUCH ME
TOUCH ME
TOUCH ME