What We had And Can We Get It Back

I get bogged down in the where’s and why’s
I’m less sophisticated
I could blame it on
being a man
being selfish
being brought up in the gutter
too much ego not enough real love for
the art that you crafted from your id
or I could just admit I’m…

I’m just a lucky cunt
with idiot-savant syndrome
more idiot than savant
trying to make sense of what we were

in all the back ground noise
there’s a quiet solitude
before the shitstorm I drag with me
hits

I realise
you may want a reason to glue our snow globe
back together

want it
because it was fucking ours
and we’re people that never had a mine or an ours

it was connection across two worlds
where we were staring at alien skies
my current day the future of your tomorrow
our hands clasping against

against

against what…

against the idea of
how lost we are and how much
it felt like we had a place to rest our
weary heads and be free of the judgements of our everyday
we grew into our worlds being battered by the broken
void that most never escape
our jagged edges
we took to with sandpaper and self gas-lighting
so we could be with normal humans
and somewhere in each other
we found a place where our broken edges fit
puzzle pieces that made me feel whole

I’ve never seen you more lost
and I more lost for words than when I feel you
reach for me
I never was your lifeline
even though I lied like a thief to myself
until I believed it

no

I never was your lifeline

you are mine
I keep coming back to us
speaking in riddles not unlike
parables told in ancient stories
trying to find a reason to reach
for you
one
last
time