some days my fears are louder than my sanity

Your silence is so loud
I hear everything it has to say
but none of it's true
it's just my fear filling in the blanks

Just because I feel like a ghost
doesn't mean I want to be one
there is nothing beautiful
about being made of glass bones
everyone thinks they can see through
like my existence is obvious
yet irrelevant

You found my haunting place
and turned the lights on
and told me my shadow
wasn't my reflection
it was just science my imagination forgot

I thought you were magic
I thought you were holy
I thought maybe saviours existed
in the curve of your smile
but you were just human
just as fucked up as me
but I understood then
as I understand now
how Gods were created
in the unfathomable weight
of our souls
just by being brighter
than everything else around us

And you were so bright
to my light starved eyes
you shone like the fucking sun
and felt just as good
in the winter of my life

And we have ebbed and flowed
like a ocean unruled by the moon
drawing out too far
and crashing back into each other
tsunamis

And I don't know what it says about me
that I would rather drown in the worst of you
than be without the thrum of you heartbeat
though I've done both
and barely survived either

Your silence is so loud
I hear everything it has to say
but none of it's true
it's just my fear filling in the blanks

When life gets quiet
history tells me it's my fault
when it's just life
doing what life does
and I know deep down
this silence
has nothing to do with me
it's just my fears talking