What Would She Think

What would she think
If she came home  
And discovered my body  
Dead on the floor
From an apparent suicide
Would she cry
Or would she be so mad
She pounded on my lifeless chest
Would she be happy (well on the inside)  
Knowing that her life could move forward
And she could escape the trap  
She's lived in forever
How long before she moved on  
Or would she just enjoy the freedom
She's been gifted
What would she think
 
What happens next
Do I rot away and decay
In an empty timeless abyss
As my body disintegrates
And blends into the soil of time
Or do I burn in hell
Reliving every mistake I've made in life
Over and over again
Is hell a purgatory of my minds darkness
Or an eternal cycle of physical torture
Can hell even be worse than life
Life has become a constant nightmare
I've given up on heaven
I'm undeserving  
And too stubborn to ask for forgiveness
What happens next