Dead eyes

Grey, blue, cold and lifeless.
An imperfect image tattooed in my mind. 
A memory I cannot erase. 
A memory I cannot overlay. 
A memory I cannot avoid. 
A memory I cannot run from. 
Yet, I still I feel no pain. 
I remember those determined eyes. 
Fixed gaze, hungry for stolen power. Menacing, piercing, unyielding. 
Eyes that shredded my soul and turned everything charcoal black. 
Eyes that haunted and mocked your victims. 
Eyes without a soul. 
Without a conscience. 
Without emotion. 
I can remember that confused, disorientated feeling... 
Absolute powerlessness - like struggling to move in the depths of slumber... Defeated by circumstances uncontrollable. 
I can remember feeling the wind escape my lungs.
The impact of his fist stopping in my flesh. 
That dull thud. 
Repeat. 
Thud. 
Repeat. 
Thud. 
That familiar tingling buzzing heat spreading through my back, arms and skull. 
Down my spine. 
Off guard - not that it mattered. 
It wasnt painful anymore... 
There was no physical pain. I had learnt to block that out. 
Instead it was just humiliating, degrading and overwhelming. 
I could smell the dirty carpet... The dog hair and the dust. 
Hunched over, face to the floor, knees pressed to my chest, grip around my throat tightening. 
"It will be over soon"
Comforting words.
I pissed my pants and let go ... 
And then it all stopped. 
Like I was granted an unwelcome break. 
I can remember Awakening to shades of grey and muffled sounds. 
Snot, blood and tears matted into my hair, clouding my vision. 
I can remember feeling my body fitting uncontrollably. 
Writhing on the floor without consent. 
Twitching, arching, trembling.  
Words snickered. 
"nearly killed her"
Followed by your laughter... Your malevolent pleasure... Your success....
And then i can remember vomiting.
It was all swings and round abouts. 
Week after week. 
Month after month. 
Memories come. 
memories go. 
And...
I still feel no pain. 
Just numbness. 
Just emptiness. 
Lifelessness. 
Completely drained of everything that makes me human. 
And now...
I no longer care.