gradients of you

Fade in fade out
were you ever really here at all?

I need you like a heartbeat
but you don't love me that way
so I love the world with only half a heart
unable to untangle myself
from the history of you

You fade in
make new chemical
pathways in my brain
and I want it
until I don't

You fade out
with silence and time
and a soul burning emptiness
until I think I'm done with you
but I never am

Fade in fade out
who is the real you?
do I know the real you?
can I love you like a dream?
can I hate you like a nightmare
were you ever here or did I breathe
life into my imaginary friends again?

Fade in
I burn for you
I always fucking burn for you
like a junkie seeking another fix
I can never get enough
and nothing will ever be as good
as we were back then

Fade out
you say goodbye like it's final
but it never is
it never is

You fade in
you fade out
but you never stay
and I can't make you real
in this half life

You fade in
you fade out

You fade out