ill tell you my sins save my tears plz (everyone's disapproval she giggled at a funeral that day she knew she was ill)

A symphony of self-doubt sings out
                          breath starts getting shorter
                   like Running water
                                 Is the state that I wish to become
Instead concrete envelopes my movement
                     I am rendered deaf and dumb
                                                    the advice of others  
                                                             "it get better just fake it till you maker it"
Don't tell me things will get better
Cause so far things haven't got better
                                           I BEEN FUCKING FAKING THIS SMILE FOR NEARLY 15 YEARS NOW!!!!
I don't wanna talk about my father
 I don't wanna talk about my dead friend
I don't wanna talk about myself
I'm sick of talking about myself
I'm sick of talking about my self and realizing that talking about      myself
           never
                    ever
                                 helps
Still...I call for help
                        cause I really want help
therapists didn't seem to help
                                                 But still
with the devil in hell
in a prisonless cell
And here I always dwell
In this prison in myself
                let me cut myself free with my scaple sharp pen
wrist bleeding  emily gets behind the wheel
                       (5th of vodka dare me to drive?)
Car crash whiplash
Ambulance arrives critical they say  surgains say
 she begged for a body bags

 but car destroryed while shes still alive
It’s a game of circumstance, wrong turn
Everything can all collapse
   and get burned

                                                        Back inside the relapse, fetnyals, they stack back to back
                             And I’m back on my back inside the counterattack
                                               Pop Prozac, knock it back, wash it down and relax
                                                       And that’s that, subtract, collapse, react, adapt  think im dopesick.....
                                              i hide the truth in my eyes ardent amnd cold inside  i swear wanna quit....