But I Know In My Heart

But I know in my heart that I may always love Josh.

Search and search I may, but seek and seek I do not find.

How safe he made me feel.

How special he made me feel.

His mystery and charm.

His calm and quiet demeanor.

I'll never forget his eyes,

for his eyes had such an intensity like Shadow the Hedgehog.

And I, Maria.

This doesn't mean I have disrespected myself nor it does mean that I have betrayed myself.

Because I know we all have flaws, and his particular flaws are ones I can personally handle.

I rather have him, a guy who's present yet elusive than a guy who constantly needs my attention.

I love solitude just like Josh does. And I have an unconditional love for him that transcends expectations and desires.

And because I trust my intuition intensely, I know I may always love him.

My multiple stories and music and art about him are proof of that.

And I need to stop running and understand my truth.

Because my truth transcends the normal and mediocre.

I will have boundaries in place when Josh comes back and will have a serious talk with him, but respecting myself is not merely about knowing what I deserve or shutting him out.

But openly expressing needs and desires I never expressed with him.

I know he deeply cares about me. I can just tell.

Like Maria, I'm a pure hearted soul with so much love to give. Like Shadow, he's a dark character with a lot of heart.

Josh taught me what unconditional love is in a way no one else did.

I can't betray my intuition any longer. No one is perfect, and he wasn't that toxic to me at all. He was always honest and forgiving in ways most men wouldn't be towards me.

I always knew he'd come back to me two years ago. And I won't at all be surprised when he comes back again.

No matter how many times we split apart due to insecurities or misunderstandings, we're back the next time stronger and more loving than ever.

Maybe I'll really get my wish...

God knows the innermost desires of my heart.

Darryl & Diana 4ever.