some days I get so sad I can't function

You tell me to get outside
and make myself feel better
I respond by slamming a door
in your face

I can hear laughter
through the cracked open window
and I wish I could touch it
like it's something tangible
I can inhale
but it's not
and so I listen to it drift away
on the breeze
unlike this mood I can't shake
from my leaden bones

I want to tell you I'm trying
that I'm fighting for better than this
but it's not a war you can see with your eyes
and there's no blood splatter
of broken bones to tell you
I'm hurting

My codependent relationship
with my bedsheets and blankets
screams laziness
when true laziness
would be a fucking revelation
because being lazy is a choice
while this soul deep sadness
isn't something fresh air and sunshine
can cure

Still
you tell me to get outside
and make myself feel better
I respond by slamming a door
in your face
and say some things I can't take back

Shame becomes one more weight
around my feet