The DUP Court

 Ladies and Gentlemen
Jurors of the DUP court
Allow me to paint you a picture
It’s a crime of the heart
 
(Of the heart, he said?)
 
Yes, you heard me correctly.
For those of you with delicate dispositions
Or have never heard of some positions  
Please allow me to finish this crime of hate
 
(wait, he said heart, now hate)
 
I know I am making you wait
It's too long, so here it goes.
 
She found him in the bed with Gwendolyn
Gwendolyn, in her words, is her best friend
They grew up in a time of war
Fighting for men in one too many bars
 
(Good heaven, whatever for?)
 
Please, please wait until I am done  
So you all can come to a unanimous conclusion

He came in and spotted the one he made is bride
But Gwendolyn was fuming deep inside
You can imagine what churned in her head
Of cowgirl, wheel barrel and 69 positions in her bed
 
(Sixty-nine, mmmm”)
 
Sir, please.  
I need to get through this.
Stop bouncing your knees.
 
I want you to understand
Gwendolyn was coveting her best friend’s man
She finally schemed and seduced
The man right here
The one sitting in the wheelchair
 
(Oh poor, lad)
 
He used to walk, you see
But his wife caught Gwendolyn on her knees
Sucking him off like he was a god
So deep, mind you he forgot where he was
 
His wife  pulled him back with such force
There was no time for remorse
Gwendolyn was dished out a penalty worse than fate
She is six feet under in an unmarked plate
 
(Wait …what?)
 
With no money or kin
No burial was had
The man in the wheelchair felt really, really bad
 
When his wife discovered  
The devious plot
She hit him in the back of the head
With a cast iron pot
 
(Well….Damn)
 
I am pleading to you with all haste
Give her the chair
Do not make her the ward of the state.
 
Whispers
(This lawyer is shady, but he pleaded the case well. She is a murderer. Let her rot in jail. He wants the chair. We don’t do that anymore. Why is he pushing this to the floor?)
 
A woman in the court cleared her throat so all could see. She shot the wife and said,”
She stole him from me.”