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Journal entry - Please Come Sweet Death
Journal entry for December 17, 2024
The nights bleed into days, a blur of mistakes I can't erase. My veins pulse with the poison I thought was my escape. I've danced with too many shadows, let my body be a temple where many unworthy prayers were whispered.
The faces of my fleeting lovers haunt me. Memories of their entrance at the temple door brought pleasures at such great price. My child, an angel born of my lusts, deserves a life I can no longer give.
I'm staring down the barrel of my mortality as the reaper's whisper grows louder. I've loved fiercely, laughed wildly, and felt the warmth of many souls on my skin. I've known the beauty of life's pleasures. For those moments of pure joy, I am grateful, but I am lost.
Death is a promissory note we all sign at birth. I promised early payment in my pursuit of momentary bliss. The darkness inside of me is a tide I can't be stopped. Please come sweet death.
The nights bleed into days, a blur of mistakes I can't erase. My veins pulse with the poison I thought was my escape. I've danced with too many shadows, let my body be a temple where many unworthy prayers were whispered.
The faces of my fleeting lovers haunt me. Memories of their entrance at the temple door brought pleasures at such great price. My child, an angel born of my lusts, deserves a life I can no longer give.
I'm staring down the barrel of my mortality as the reaper's whisper grows louder. I've loved fiercely, laughed wildly, and felt the warmth of many souls on my skin. I've known the beauty of life's pleasures. For those moments of pure joy, I am grateful, but I am lost.
Death is a promissory note we all sign at birth. I promised early payment in my pursuit of momentary bliss. The darkness inside of me is a tide I can't be stopped. Please come sweet death.
Published 19th Dec 2024
Author's Note
It seems my path has led me to a place of depression and desperation. Still, I seek the pleasures of the flesh.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
19th Dec 2024 4:06pm
19th Dec 2024 4:54pm
You don’t need to give up. Go to an emergency room. Don’t leave until you’ve seen a doctor that can refer you to addiction and psychiatric treatment.
19th Dec 2024 5:44pm
I agree with Trillium here. As I've said before, of course death will come but why wish it sooner than is neccesary? Stuff happening in your life feels worse than it probably is because you are feeling worse. I hope you perk up soon as we head into the new year. But remember also, this is a very challenging time for many people. You feel alone but really you are not.
19th Dec 2024 5:52pm
There’s no shame in seeking comfort in what you know. Learning how to give yourself comfort when you haven’t been told or shown how is difficult, I’m learning that myself, but it can be done.
I’ve watched your journey, Lauryn, and your strength lies in your ability to reach out. Please accept help when it’s offered. I know how hard it is. I struggle with accepting help also, especially when it comes to this.
Holding you in thought.
I’ve watched your journey, Lauryn, and your strength lies in your ability to reach out. Please accept help when it’s offered. I know how hard it is. I struggle with accepting help also, especially when it comes to this.
Holding you in thought.
I echo the comments of Trillium, Billy Snagg and Her (who has been on life's road longer). Get help - medical, spiritual, psychological. If I were you I would among other things seek the help of a priest (contrary to media reports of distressing cases of abuse, most are not as crooked as that, plus some major denominations like the Episcopalian and Lutheran have women priests). You are in my prayers.
Are you presently doing your job or are you on sick leave?
Are you presently doing your job or are you on sick leave?
26th Dec 2024 1:36am
