deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dichotomy of an Episode - Savage Comfort
i. dissociation is self-care
if you play down here
in this darkness,
you’ll shiver in the bitter cold
but at least feel safe at last
from the kind of hope and wonder
that does you in every time,
protected from the well-intentioned
who try, with their platitudes
and half-hearted well-wishing,
to drag you out of this place
kicking and screaming
ii. compulsions are a bitch
if you stay long enough,
a savage comfort grows;
planted in the rocky soil,
where shadows have names
and they bite you hard and fast
without provocation,
like mistreated animals
hiding their own infected wounds,
sliced to the bone with precision
by the sharp sword of rejection
and by the blunt-force trauma
of their own self-recrimination
iii. fake it ‘til you make it
if you stop trying to dig tunnels,
forever clawing your way to freedom
and instead, really settle in ~
stretch out and untangle your limbs,
(go ahead, it’ll be okay)
give them those practiced smiles
and polite chuckles at things
you never really found funny, then
there can be forged an uneasy peace;
when you’ve let it all go, swallowed
all of those fervent wet dreams
you failed to ever make
your glossed-over reality,
only then can you start to make
decent friends with the demons
who live here
if you play down here
in this darkness,
you’ll shiver in the bitter cold
but at least feel safe at last
from the kind of hope and wonder
that does you in every time,
protected from the well-intentioned
who try, with their platitudes
and half-hearted well-wishing,
to drag you out of this place
kicking and screaming
ii. compulsions are a bitch
if you stay long enough,
a savage comfort grows;
planted in the rocky soil,
where shadows have names
and they bite you hard and fast
without provocation,
like mistreated animals
hiding their own infected wounds,
sliced to the bone with precision
by the sharp sword of rejection
and by the blunt-force trauma
of their own self-recrimination
iii. fake it ‘til you make it
if you stop trying to dig tunnels,
forever clawing your way to freedom
and instead, really settle in ~
stretch out and untangle your limbs,
(go ahead, it’ll be okay)
give them those practiced smiles
and polite chuckles at things
you never really found funny, then
there can be forged an uneasy peace;
when you’ve let it all go, swallowed
all of those fervent wet dreams
you failed to ever make
your glossed-over reality,
only then can you start to make
decent friends with the demons
who live here
Published 11th Dec 2024
Author's Note
Peak of current manic episode.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
11th Dec 2024 6:14am
Dear L,
I don’t think I’ve ever read anything so telling in how someone suffered the highs and lows of this. Your formatting neatly lays out how someone can experience this and its processing. Amazing piece. H🌷
I don’t think I’ve ever read anything so telling in how someone suffered the highs and lows of this. Your formatting neatly lays out how someone can experience this and its processing. Amazing piece. H🌷
Anonymous
11th Dec 2024 12:43pm
This is hard-hitting. Only someone in the grip of it can write from the front lines like this. You're such a great writer, I wish you better days ahead.
11th Dec 2024 5:43pm
14th Dec 2024 7:30pm
A couple of people really close to me have been dealing with something similar and your spills here shed so much light on the subject. Powerful, honest writes Luna.
