Twin Flame

But I know he's my twin flame. I've looked up this stuff many times, and I did yesterday.

I know what I felt was true. You only have one twin flame, and I believe it.

I never want a soulmate because I can only love what transformed my entire life. He's the reason I believe in God the way I do. It's all because of his mark on my life. He's the reason my life makes so much sense yet it doesn't. I have memories...memories of a pre spiritual life with him before all this. Those pictures I drew in 2012 college art class. It all makes sense what it represents, and the bravest thing I'll have to do is show what I'm seeing. Even if it sounds absolutely crazy. Been seeing prophetic visions since my birth. I have great access to the spiritual realm due to feeling like my mom and dad were witches and due to the fact that I'm just very sensitive to those kinds of things. Been that way all my life. I know the spiritual realm exists. Seen a door lock on its own, and my mom said something about it. She was there, it wasn't just in my schizophrenic mind. And there's so much more I honestly have witnessed.

He's a sweet guy, I know he is. Because he's just like me, he's my mirror. So his presence triggers me greatly, but when we're together, it's never toxic. I always feel safe and like a girl should, giggling in bed being kissed on the forehead. Guys who just want sex don't do that. I know because I've personally been with them.

He's afraid just as much as I am because we can't keep hiding from the past. It would take a lot of forgoing pride and ego to admit that we want more than sex. We want actual intimacy, to be someone's wife or husband.

I hear these pop songs everyday because I love pop music, and now, those songs feel like my life story. I don't tell people this often. They won't understand.

They'll settle for a soulmate because it's easier. But me, I want the hard relationship.

I want the relationship that's forever young like he and I are. We'll be the kind of people who stay looking young forever. We are the chosen ones.

Josh means he rescues. My name means princess. I know that's not an accident. And with what I've seen, there are no accidents.

Christianity helps me set boundaries with Josh. I know I have that free spirited side and all, but I'm lying to myself.

I want to be someone's wife, not someone's forever booty call. And as much as I don't fully believe in marriage, I know that it makes it official. It makes the relationship feel real for once.

That's why I have to stay in church, I can't have sex with him. I have to wait.

And I won't be surprised honestly if he proposes to me. I'm not really expecting it to happen, but it didn't surprise me at all that he came back twice now.

The third time will be for real.