Ode to the Drunk Girl, Don't Text That Man

you did fine Mars

Thanks Jimmy! Rhyme isn't a strength of mine.

You did fine. Don't doubt yourself.

Thank you!

Well first of all let me second Goodwolf by saying that you did fine, and even more than fine if this is your first whack at it, since any highly structured poem form can be a challenge to prose writers.    
   
But first things first, if you're attempting an emulation of Shakespeare's sonnets, a worthy goal as the bar standard is high, than I recommend you give a quick review of the short Wikipedia article on Rhyme...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhyme...or at least the first part of it as pertaining to English.    
   
The initial and overall narrative is terrific, and you will no doubt wish to maintain that for the reader's convenience and enjoyment, and also because you've responsibly treated a worthy topic with light hearted and dignified humor. That should be preserved in any subsequent editing, although in this case I don't think much editing would be required.    
   
Traditional sonnets have 14 lines and you've got 13, and that's really only a big deal if your goal was to have paired and perfectly rhymed couplets, such as Shakespeare had, or even perfect, or "tail" rhymes on alternating line endings.    
   
Line 3 doesn't seem to have a corresponding line that end rhymes with it, and so I worry that it will be lonely. (LOL)  
   
The corresponding rhymes ending lines 6 and 7 (tire / liar) are bloody genius!  
   
I don't think that "now" and "down" on lines 8 and 9 qualify as rhymes, but they are awfully close to being a sight rhyme.    
   
Another thing to consider is that Shakespeare largely stuck to a 10 syllable line in iambic pentameter, and yours are running a bit longer than that, on average. But before you get "stressed out" (pun intended) about poetic meter, it's a good idea to just write with Shakespeare's own advice in mind from Hamlet, act 3, scene 2, where Hamlet advises the player to speak..."trippingly on the tongue", or put another way, we poets must strive to jot the representation of a complimentary distribution of phonemes.    
   
Double check that the last 2 lines can't be a stricter rhyme than what you've got, but in any case i love what you are doing with the rest of the lines, and the line interiors, because it's easy to get so caught up in the desire to flourish a poem with such an exacting row of rhyming line ends that the rest of the text gets ignored when it shouldn't be.    
   
Now with all that being said, it's important to remember that many poets write sonnets with no rhyming at all, free verse style, but I certainly think that the mastering of rhyme will pay dividends in other phonemic applications.  

I've taken your guidance into account, and I will be re-working this one. I KNEW my count was off!! I counted 3 times, but my eyes saw what they wanted to see. I was trying to closely follow the iambic pentameter but it's a lot more difficult than it seems. You professionals make it look easy. What I found in my reading was that its 5 bouts of "da DA da DA da DA da DA da DA". Needless to say my rhythm needs work lol.
Thank you for taking the time to write this and give me your opinion.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Just remember that slow and steady wins the race, so to speak, and even the most experienced people make mistakes.

Just this last week my youngest kid spotted a spelling error in one of my comments, and I've been writing for decades, LoL 😂

Even the best pair of eyes will get fatigued, and that's why everyone needs an editor.

Well crafted Mars on a sidenote though, they do say don't text under the influence, well they say don't do a lot of things under the influence haha 🙃❤️

That “Selfish Fucking Liar” line was plush, nice scribe.

Ha! Thank you very much.

BIG LIKE

My highest compliment on this site...

Always an honor!

The title is definitely a hook! Gave me a big smile when I first read it, haha. Fine write ✍️