Lost in the Dark

Why does no one talk about how hard it is to heal,  
When your comfort is in the pain, where nothing else feels real?  
I’ve been drowning in this darkness since I was just a kid,  
I don’t know who I am without it—don’t know if I ever did.

Who am I without the weight, without the scars,  
Without the demons that held me in their arms?  
I don’t know how to be happy, don’t know how to breathe,  
When the only air I’ve ever known has been suffocating me.

I’ve lived in hell so long, it feels like home,  
And the idea of healing makes me feel more alone.  
How do I leave behind the me that’s always been,  
When all she’s ever known is darkness, when all she’s ever seen is sin?

Every step toward recovery feels like a betrayal,  
Like I’m erasing the girl who fought through her own hell.  
She screamed for help, but no one heard,  
So how do I abandon her, when she was never saved by a word?

I see her there, in the corner of my mind,  
That broken little girl I’m leaving behind.  
But how do I let go of the child who cried,  
When I’m still carrying the tears she never dried?

I feel like a traitor for wanting to be free,  
For wanting to heal the wounds inside of me.  
But I can’t let her go—she’s everything I was,  
She’s the reason I survived, even when life paused.

I’m torn between the light and the dark,  
Between moving forward and falling apart.  
How do I heal when I’m terrified to grow,  
When the darkness is the only thing I know?

So I stand here, stuck, between two lives,  
One where I’m healing, the other where I barely survive.  
And the hardest part is I can’t bring her with me,  
But I can’t leave her behind—she’s all I’ve ever been.