Crawl, Stand, Walk

Hi World, I've realized that I'm content/ I use to fight my reality and didn't relent/ but the more I changed the more I began to resent/ My recent changes/ my personal changing stages/ only brought me back to the place of lack/ almost like I'm only able to stack and or perpetuate the problems in my life/ Frustration grew and I thought my means of salvation is through the barrel of a gun or knife/ My personal Strife kept me at a low state/ However I'm not mad/ I guess you can say I'm glad/ it seemed so bad and I was at a place where I kept saying I wish things were different or I wish I had/ but I learned how not to be stagnant/ and to stop being hesitant/ and to master where I am at/ Which is in this low place/ Its so low that I'm on my knees move along the floor with purpose of moving forward to a sought out goal/ Things fly above me but who cares I'm able to manipulate and control my own flow/ I'm comfortable here/ its tangible/ reasonable/ minimal effort/ but I've maximized my results/ I see something more but I don't want to risk it/ me going beyond this point in my life have too many risks/ that'll put me inevitably at fault/ For I don't know what I am walking into/ beyond what I've already mastered and learned/ Besides, the incidental outcome or where I am is what I have earned/ Why come out of what I am comfortable/ so I can embark on a new quest where discomfort, questions, relearning and rebuilding can ensue and begin/ Not for me my friend/ but I cant help but to look as I am crawling at others/ standing tall and walking/ I'm looking like why risk doing such when you are at a higher risk of falling/ staying/ near the ground seems to be the smart choice and reasonable/ but a questions comes to me/ because of my mastery/ of where I am/ am I able and ready to move to my next level/

My next level is going from crawling to standing in position of where I am headed/ Standing alone opens the probability of a fall/ all for what to momentarily stand tall and be noticed/ having all of your choices exposed/ judged/ ridiculed/ even by those closest/ no no no/ that isn't for me not at all/ but I have reached my limit/ and I'm only recycling the outcome of what's expected/ This unprecedented/ proposal and now desire is starting to become more clear/ I have to swallow my fears and if required reach for a hand/ I must leave this crawling state and learn to stand/

Now that I can stand the next is to walk/ towards the direction that i was taught/ and that I continually talk about/ this process was long fought/ and my faith at this stage is equivalent to the holding power of chalk on a surface/ but I must not look back and lose focus/ I went from nothing to lose to potentially losing everything/ Walking is so challenging when I'd thought it would be easy/ after all I mastered how to crawl and stand/ how can walking be met with so much demand/ effort and determination/ if I show slight hesitation then I jeopardize the balance that's holding me/ why cant I just live stress free and just be/ the higher I go the more I see/ but at what cost/ to be prone to mistake and rethink of all that I lost?/ I'm now brought to a place that's even more critical before/ Like a stranded survivor that was once on a boat and now in an ocean away from shore/

Not knowing what's in store because this place is the most difficult and It cant be ignored/
I guess you can say I'm a sore loser/ because for awhile I've been convicted by various accusers/ as the abuser of things that are good/ even when I try to embrace family and friends from a hood/ I'm still at a place of longing saying if only I could/ and now I went from I could to I can/ but walking is so hard that I wish I just stayed at me mastering the ability to stand/ asking for another hand to walk I dare not/ because I know asking for too much will inevitably be met with a cost/ and if the cost isn't met I'll be face with severe lost/ or on the other hand if it is met/ I'll be chained to one's expectation because I've just been bought/ so what should I ought to do/ I cant win like this and now I cant afford to just give up and lose/ I want to ask for help/ but I don't in return want to be used/ however me being used could mean that I'm no longer in my present state and I've embraced the success of being able to walk/ I succeed at the expense of tending to a need/ as an exchange/ It's strange for me to see that as an answer and I know if I go through this I will not be the same/ but maybe this is the name of the game of me evolving and being new and better/ I will in theory sever the relevance of what I was to being someone new/ but because I don't know the outcome is this something I really want to do/ no matter how long I rehearse this in my head and talk/ I must come to a decision/ I've mastered my crawling state and I've mastered the ability to the stand/ The time has come to face my fear/the unknown/ go on this journey/ and walk/