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immune after a hundred bastards
she understood a word's impact
but she had no control
either I pissed her off too often
or she was too sensitive
the first time she called me a bastard
it made me seriously reflect
she only said it to get to me
she knew I'd crumble at that word
a few years on and many bastards
wailed down my ear-hole
I became immune
now no bastard is a strike nor
are any other words
'cause she's tried them all
each more than ten times
there are no more bastards
in her arsenal
but she had no control
either I pissed her off too often
or she was too sensitive
the first time she called me a bastard
it made me seriously reflect
she only said it to get to me
she knew I'd crumble at that word
a few years on and many bastards
wailed down my ear-hole
I became immune
now no bastard is a strike nor
are any other words
'cause she's tried them all
each more than ten times
there are no more bastards
in her arsenal
Published 16th May 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
16th May 2012 11:02pm
I don't think you need the lone comma or to capitalise the first letter of this poem. Otherwise this is an angry and effective poem about a relationship which has hit the rocks with a tremendous crash. Thanks for the read.
16th May 2012 11:40pm
Forgive my stupidity, posted in haste.
They always hit the rocks, Jack. Sometimes gently, sometimes with a crash.
Thanks for reading and your thoughts!
They always hit the rocks, Jack. Sometimes gently, sometimes with a crash.
Thanks for reading and your thoughts!
16th May 2012 11:39pm
"She understood a word's impact"
I could be wrong, but shouldn't it be, "the word"?
Good write. You make a valid point. How we can become immune to someone's words, so they don't hurt any more.
Nice.
I could be wrong, but shouldn't it be, "the word"?
Good write. You make a valid point. How we can become immune to someone's words, so they don't hurt any more.
Nice.
16th May 2012 11:45pm
Technically they could both work, Rachel, but I like it this way as more of a figure of speech.
Thanks for your comment and reading. :)
Thanks for your comment and reading. :)
17th May 2012 00:12am
No real crit on the poem. I really enjoyed it, understand the feeling... more than I'd like to. The words have more effect when they're unexpected. You expressed it well :)
On the title - "Bastard" - would give more of a punch, IMHO of course. Good job! x)
On the title - "Bastard" - would give more of a punch, IMHO of course. Good job! x)
17th May 2012 9:03pm
..but I like the title. :)
Often I think no words works better.
Thanks for your thoughts and reading, Miss.
Often I think no words works better.
Thanks for your thoughts and reading, Miss.
