The Slow Fade Of Confidence

There was a time
he never thought about it,
it came
(and so did he)
automatically...

He reveled in the opportunity
-the unspoken attraction
and the subsequent reaction
provoked by a chance meeting
or finding common ground
among a former acquaintance

The excitement of discovery
was motivation enough
and he grew to appreciate
the contrasts of others
- the differing shapes and movements
that offered that seal of delight

He wasn't reckless, by any means
or even someone who played the game
but if thoughts of exploration aligned
he felt, those were moments
that shouldn't be dismissed

But monogamy was a different beast
in his experience

It also started with a blast,
many blasts
if one was keeping score

Hands barely ever unoccupied
as there was much to discover
in those initial years

And you could ride on euphoria
until it finally wore off
- which sadly, it did

And as tragic as it is,
the less those moments happened
the more that sense of loss
crept into mind

And soon,
the doubt set in,
which in turn,
began that physical concern
that maybe those skills
that he once held so precious
were starting to fade

And when the years set in,
and touch became a rarity
he'd once expressed his concern
"I feel I'm out of practice"
he said,
after feeling he hadn't delivered

Yes, the wavering confidence
had finally affected his body
and it started to make him anxious
if he ever thought
they might be heading into an encounter

That concern,
never felt supported
and eventually
that connection
ceased to ever be realized
any longer

He wanted to try again,
be sure of himself

But time was an enemy
that didn't much support the cause