LIKE LACTOSE LAVA FLOW    (11-9-1995; Galveston Island, Texas)

 
 
wordz circle
wordz spiral
in thermal helixez
like spiraling d n a  
as they drift and fall out
of mind z sky z
in a sudden  spontaneous
gushing release
of incontinent  subliminal wordz
in theze frequent language spillz
az iz the case
in this one here
like lactoze lava flow
like the black ink buzzardz they are  
opportunistically scavenging themzelvez
and anything else  
they can sink their insatiable  
lettered teeth into  
az an effectively therapeutic  
survival strategic devize
to pick my life journey z
dark roadz of zo many dashed  fallen hopez
withered dreamz and injured feelingz
flattened lifelezz everywhere
out on almozt all these countlezz
roadz and roadsidez
filled with zo many countlezz
forgotten and recalled  
mezzy  lifelezz  roadzide
road kill sprawlz
just waiting there to be found
along with hundredz of accompanying flyz
like zo much quick  eazy prey  
in the pre procezzed form
of free  roadzide  fazt food  
deceazed  little happy mealz
of pancaked carcazzez
in which and wherein  
voila  
up from out of death  
soarz zustaijed life again  
leaving only crushzed  broken bonez
and zun dried dried  bloody skinz
flat and dried  
thick and thin  
left for more speeding tirez
antz  buzzardz and fliez
oh yeah    
and of courze  
me here now yet once again az well  
staying up for hourz and hourz
on all theze  troubled
hauntingly zleeplezz nightz
scavenging the dezperate
zo hopelezzly entangled  
inner  zubconziouz
lozt  immeazurable knotted milez
of my now rapidly waning life  
in zearch of zanity and zurvival
even juzt a little bit of zimple peaze of mind
of courze  not utill after i first finish
zortijg all my life z demonz out  
in creatively exprezzed
imprezzioniztic imagery  
effortlezzly zpilled out
in only the mozt fittingly inzpired wordz  
wordz which zircle in looping  thermal helixez
like agitated  wild d n a  
which often zpiral off into multiple  
multi dimensionzal  tangential directionz
upon the invizible wingz of relevantly fitting  
experiential  exiztentionalizt rhymez
mined from up out of the unzeen depthz
of my overwhelmed mind  
wherein in which  if  i m not careful at timez
can potentially lead to other  
or even more  
unantizipated  zpontaneouz  internal crashez
and cazualtiez
including my very own  
which are forever laying
hidden away from zight
in unzeen  timelezz  patient wait  
zomewhere juzt up ahead  
around almozt any and potentially every  
unzuzpecting  next  blind curve or bend
in life z true  dead end road z
but who really knowz for zure
where goez our freshly liberated soulz
when we re all only meer  fleeting momentz away  
from pozzibly re becoming other new formz
from wild animalz  prieztz  insectz
to copz  sporez  quarkz
and even prezidentz
for everything comez and goez
thiz we all know for zure
but everything alzo muzt rize and fall  
only to forever keep rizing and falling  
coming and going  
again and again and again  
zurrounding thiz innermozt knowing z azzeptanze
we hopefully  each and all  
may one day come to further  innately realise  
that we each and all and all that iz as well
in the true higher onenezz of thiz world and ourselvez  
are all zacred to the one  true zourze of all that iz
to the one  true  ineffable god  
within  without  beyond  
all wordz  all namez  all thingz  all form  
but i m alzo now more clearly aware enough  
to finally realise
after all theze many
long  dark yearz
that my ztaying up zo very late  
or wee hour early  
depending on and regardlezz
of however you yourzelf might perzeive it  
night after night
without any reztorative zleep at all  
all night long  night after night  
for monthz after monthz
for yearz after yearz
can zometimez have or rezult in  
an equally profound  detrimentally deluzional
dizorienting effect  
on whatever my mind might be feeling  
thinking  procezzing or may be going through  
at any give time  
for behind my fearz  my eyez and mind z
deluzional liez to moztly myzelf at timez
lay and hide much more zubtly mazked
all good vibrationz az well  
which i myzelf and we all each in our own wayz
at variouz pointz throughout our livez
but zadly for uz all
moztly through our egoic mindz
we too frequently create
and repeatedly recreate ourselvez
into thiz  whatever it iz
we ve all now become
zo very much haz changed
too much haz ztill remained the zame
are alzo mazked and zubconziouzly hidden
az too have mozt all good vibrationz
which i try my bezt to zustain  
for just az long az i can  
both all thoze real and only imagined  
pozitive excitationz
pop right    pop wrong  
pop life    pop zong  
pop a top again  
pop in    pop out  
it won t be long now  
zo open wide and welcome it all more freely in  
to that ztrange  
but ztill uzeful zpace in your head  
where everything z invited  
from ignorantz advize
to elephant z of expertize
to any and all my mozt taboo  
culturally forbidden
primal  pagan
free zpirited
neo bohemian
awakened  myztic
poet  artizt
zurfer  hippy
creative  zosial myzfit z
mozt hedoniztic delightz
from sen emptinezz  to grand excezz
from zpiritual introzpection
to phyzical and zexual  creative exprezzion
zharing and releaze
releaze
releaze all the terrible lizardz
of and from my pazt
for there iz no more room  
for tyrannozauruzzez amongzt uz here anymore  
nor any other zuch or zimilarly treacherouz tyranniez
of nightmarizhly ill fated tragic deztiniez az well  
whether true and genuinely real

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*** (I had to stop my current, latest revision here, to go to bed, as it's now already 5:12am (!!!); to be continued whenever I next can...(?!!!?)...

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or only delusionally imagined in the darkest shadows  
of whatever s still left functionally in tact  
of my long  heavily stigmatized  
war torn  battle wearied  
long devastated  complex  p t s d mind  
release  release  release  let go  
like lactose  lava flow  so painfully slow  
but far better than no release  
nor any relief  at all  
let go of all complexity  
surrender to simplicity as my new road  
seek out only more life  more living  
more learning  more meaning  
and more inner growth  
more laughter  more beauty  
more inner and outer peace  
but even more than anything else  
more love and more light  
in this world  
to more freely give and share with all  
and to more fully and freely receive as well  
likewise from others in return  
along this  my still ongoing  
continued  
seemingly never ending  
present phase of my life s journey ahead  
through both those very rare days and times  
of illusively evasive healthy wellness  
and this still all consuming  fatal disease i still have  
but am no longer so completely defined by  
as much at all anymore  
yet still nonetheless in which i ve now learned  
there s no such thing as true security  
for myself  nor for anyone else  
still living here presently now  
in this illusory  temporal world  
for in truth  
the real truth is this  
there s only  being  here in this life  
but being can so easily and quickly become lost  
here in this physical  3 d world  
where everything that exists  
is in a constant state of continuous flux  
no matter whether we re  
moving here  
or moving there  
moving forwards or backwards  
or somewhere else  
back and forth  in between  
whether we feel stuck in this world  
or stuck in our heads  
or perhaps stuck in some deeper  
trance like  inner stare  
all of the time or only for moments  
wherein and no mater whether  
we may either intermittently  
or permanently feel  
that hopelessly and intractably stuck in ourselves  
like a word or words  
which can t be understood  
by most other wordz in this world  
which simply and naturally  
by and through it s very own innate nature  
does not and has not ever truly fit in  
to  nor with other human beings  
in this ever mysterious  ever intangible world  
which only makes me  
year after year  
decade after insufferably challenging decade  
feel ever increasingly  lost  
lost  
lost in my own self reflection s reflections  
ever spreading  effortlessly forth  
out upon these soul soothing  heart healing  
life giving  living waters  
where i have always come and gone  
to re find  and to reconnect more fully  
with my truest  highest  innermost self  
by letting go of everything else  
while at the same time  
consciously being  
everything else as well  
in body  heart  spirit and mind  
and by further letting go of all  
my ego mind  
still only thinks  feels and believes i am  
but all of which in egoless mind  
i m not so much at all  
in letting go  just let it all go  
but what about apathy and ignorance  
free choice and free will  
are they some kind of relative soul deal  
or only just another  
detrimental spiritual form  
of actual or only metaphorical  
innermost  toxic oil spill  
get real  
as other people have so often  
always said to me  
for we each and all now  
are truly and seriously  beyond all else  
presently so precariously standing  
so unsteadily out here  
on this very fickle  fragile brink  
of the extinction of ourselves as a species  
upon our once so pristine  precious  
so sacred  holy  conscious  living  
beautifully wondrous mother earth  
of the extinction of all we think we know  
of all we have for so very long  
historically believed in  
even here now in this our current  
present ongoing  increasingly unfolding extinction s  
rapidly approaching end of all tomorrows  
perhaps even now  
too far long begun  
if so  then all we can do at this point  
is to start asking ourselves  
and to more seriously start asking each other  
what to do    what can be done  
well perhaps a good place to start  
is to simply ask yourselves this simple question  
to more deeply  more self reflectively ponder upon  
just who  or what are you  really  
and just who or what  
is your  
god  
but god in the sense of  
just where and with what  
do you give and spend  
most of your mind s thoughts  
energy  interest  passion  
attention  actions  money and time  
just where  more honestly  does it all go  
where do you direct and most apply them all to  
then ask yourself again  
based on the evidence of all this  
this simple  yet most pivotal question  
just who or what really is your actual  
true god  
whether you presently realize it or not  
then  that  in truth  
is the true  but false  god  
you ve consciously chosen  
with your own free will  
to presently still  
most faithfully  
most deeply  
sacrifice and serve  
your life  your mind  
your heart  
your spirit  
and  
soul  
to