Shooting for the scars

Discusted by my self  
Mirrors make me cringe  
Cant stand my own reflection
So I left on a binge.  
 Suspended in a void  
breaking the rules  
Yet I just keep pushing  
Disappearing from view
I’ve been foolish this far.  
Deceit creeping among shadows,
bitterness and toxicity
Leading my way through the shallows  
Now completely alone.  
Trapped by myself in this uninhabitable zone
The longer I’m here, despair finds me faster. As if from nowhere, stopping abruptly in place.  
A Sitting duck, rudely splashed in the face, my own wakes disaster ..great
I need a break. It goes just the same still nothing here  
All sounds lost, drowned out by the echos of fear. rebounding off the nothingness in my chest that’s
Getting stronger  
The mistakes I’ve made, I wish make them no longer  
Do they seem smaller ?
The Flames spreading across all my surfaces. They Engulf all the cold, swallowing whole all that I am. Thick black smoke that won’t let me win.  
Snake like veins leading the free, plunging violently in me, main lining speed is a creed I’ve agreed by the lust of my greed or the dust in my spoon
Didn’t know what hit me until  
I collided with the moon
I’m stuck here now, in this empty  
Vast tomb
I thought I was lost  
But that just wasn’t true
 That was nothing compared
This existence without you.  
Roaming and lost here  
Cold and I’m scared.  
Wishing I could undo everytime
I didn’t care.