LOVE IN MY ARMS  (I)(original 1st draft;1976; Poretto Jetty, Galveston, Texas; struggling with being Gay at 22 yr.s old)

 
 
love in my arms  
here  then gone  
comes and goes  
like some rare moon tide  
so infrequently in my life  
sunrise soon brightened  
into new day  
but it s clarity only added to  
my ever deepening  
self loathing s confusions  
so i chose to stay home  
until the sun had gone down  
as evening eventually arrived  
only a comfortable disguise  
then down to the beach i walked  
as night s darkness soon fell upon me  
out at the end of a jetty  
where upon looking back towards shore  
i stared up at the seawall s streetlights  
mercurially reflecting back out  
down  across  upon  into  
black ebony night s dark surf s rushing waves  
in elongated  brightly illumined  
fluidly slurring blurs  
stretched out across  upon  
this nocturnal beache s  
low tide  wet sandy tideline s  
otherwise unseen  
shadowy darkened shore  
where i stood there like some ancient ghost  
in night s comfortably soothing  relative calm  
for what seemed like a couple  
of mind numbing  timeless hours  
so deeply lost in my feelings and thoughts  
wondering about my life  
should i laugh  
or should i cry  
face the pain  
or perhaps  
that quieter  much deeper peace  
which lies beyond  
my mind s own unresolved  
even darker  long quandaried thoughts  
which more intensely  
now calls to me here tonight  
beneath this gulf s dark  beckoning waters  
offering me this optional
much quicker  more natural
truly more final  ultimate solution  
to so desperately consider
taking quick
fearless
action upon
love in my hands  
my heart in the dark  
where all understanding
now slips through my fingers  
like sand in night s wind