Circadian

I'm tired of living the same day over and over and over again;  I wake up, I get the kids ready, I take Andrew to school, I get on the computer, I feel lonely, I want to drink, I want to do drugs, I hate myself because I've done so little with my life, I make lunch, I watch something on Netflix (kids shows), I pick up Andrew from school, I help him with homework, I make him feel bad because I push him to do better and I don't know how or when to back off, I wake up my wife so she can go to work, I see her for 30 minutes in which we talk about all the mind-numbing crap she/we have to do, she leaves for work, I watch something else on Netflix (kids shows again), I wash dishes, I make dinner, I get back on the computer, I hate myself because I can't connect with my kids when I feel this way (isolated, frustrated, ineffectual, angry), I put the kids to bed, I try to write something, I fail, I try to write something else, I fail again, the wife comes home, we exchange a few bits of meaningless how was your blah blah blah and she tells me about her plans, I listen, I get tired, I go lie down and sleep for 6 hours, I go hang out with the wife while she's watching something on Netflix, she goes to bed and I'm up all fucking night... hating myself, wishing I was more, wanting to be a better father, trying to write, failing, jerking off, and, of course, watching things on Netflix... and sometimes, frequently, hoping that it all will end.