Hollow

How did we get here? I think as I solemnly sit beside myself, fingers chilling from the cool wind blowing over our balcony.

I reminisce on the feeling I had the first time I laid eyes on you, the first time I was in your presence and felt the contagiously positive energy emitting from your soul. It was as if my soul was looking into a mirror, and for the first time it felt like I was home.

So how did we get here, my love? From ambitious lovers to bitter strangers?

I remember the feeling I had waking up next to you for the first time. It was as if I’d been in a snow storm for 20 years and the warmth of your body saved me.

Tell me, my love, how did we get here?
From building a home together to watching each brick fall?

I remember the first time you said you loved me. It was a realization that every Disney movie, every fairytale I cherished as a little girl grew dull in comparison to the words you spoke. They were no longer my check list to love, because searching for a fictional romance such as those meant depriving myself from the eminent amounts of love you had to give.

So where did we go wrong, my love?

Did I fail to show you how much I adore you? Were our differences too much to bear? Is this the callous hand of fate, inevitably pushing us apart? Am I merely a part of your journey, a chapter in your story, but not meant to stand with you at the end?

Do you feel hollow, my love? Hollow in places my love used to fill? Are you as hollow as I am, my love? Desperately trying to make those spaces whole again?

How did we get here? From inseparable to isolation?

Will you ever know, my love? Will you ever know that the hollow pieces I carry are merely the fear that you won’t ever fully understand how deeply you’ve changed my life? That you’ll never know the true depth of my love? That you’ll never see the starry-eyed little girl living inside of me that has been yearning for her own fairytale?

So I’ll remember you as I did the first time I laid eyes on you. I’ll remember the effort you put in for us. I’ll remember your kindness and your intent. I’ll remember the contagiously positive energy emitting from your soul.  I’ll remember all the mornings I woke up next to you, and how it was as if I’d been in a snow storm for 20 years and your warmth saved me.  I’ll remember the first time you said you love me, and how every Disney movie and every fairytale dimmed in comparison the words you once spoke. I’ll remember each brick that built the home we once had. I’ll remember that we loved tremendously and truthfully.

So Im sorry, my love. Im sorry for how we got here.