Woman Child

When I was a little girl, the teacher would ask us what we wanted to be later on in life. I believe we had to write it on a piece of paper. I remember sometime when I got older, I looked at the piece of paper. To no surprise, I put "artist."

But when I was a little girl, I wanted to be nothing. I never wanted to be like those older than me and supposedly wiser. Having this weird idea that people were made through factories rather than sex, I didn't want to turn out how they were manufactured. Manufactured to be ordinary.

It's also no surprise that my grandpa used to call me Ms. Hollywood. Because I was born to be a star. Born to tell a different story.

I've tried to fit into a mold for so long. Tried to shrink myself to make those around me stronger.

And now, I'm here, 31 years old, sitting here typing at my mom's house. Wondering how I'm ever gonna make it.

I don't have a career. I tried everything I could possibly think of, that might have been suitable for me. Freelance writing and as a result getting banned on Fiverr, signing up for volunteering and getting rejected, doing college and realizing it wasn't for me, trying to write for the school newspaper and not knowing what the hell I was doing, volunteer tutoring and not really being able to help the student in question. The list goes on, and I'm burnt out...

Now, it's just me working on my art, something I'm thinking will change the world one day with its wholesome traits. As for a normal job if needed, I will participate in survival jobs where I love moving around anyway. Cleaning houses is up my alley, as I've successfully cleaned up my parent's filthy house and got it remodeled all within one year before. Hey, I was an eighth grader who wanted the house to be presentable for friends and future boyfriends. What can I say?

I may be a woman child who certain people love to pick on and claim I never try.

But they will never know the wonderful woman I'm blossoming into.

They see the failure, I see the success and progress.

They see cowardice, and all I see is bravery.