secret support systems

I always feel I'm letting people down
so many amazing writers
here in the Underground

as creatives & often....
{unsurprisingly}
...sensitive...
...some of us rely heavily on feedback
it's helpful to hear how others will react
as we share our thoughts...feelings...lessons
how else do we know if anyone connects

{connection being a very human need
it's what drags us out of our solitary pennings
compels us to share publicly
ironically...
that same human condition values anonymity
privacy}

I confess to being personally affected...
when silence greets my expressive attempts
left feeling alone in the room
skirt tucked into the back of my poetic panties
awkward as fuck & it sucks

questioning my welcome or sense of place
do I even belong in this hallowed space
it's a failing in me...
I always imagine...well...
probably all in my head...I get it

& yet I struggle to leave my own meager musings
when seeing the witty & heartfelt comments left before me
I become overwhelmed...feel inadequate
settling for simply listing...
...or hitting the ever humble Like
because saying only Very nice! just doesn't seem...right
words fail me

it isn't snobbery...
I'm aware I could be perceived as cliquey...
trust me...it couldn't be further from the truth
please don't believe me aloof...
I'm just more comfortable in the back of a room

I promise...
I read a great many more than one might ever think
be it poet or poetry
it's sacred scribings...to my mind

as an extreme introvert though...
I just don't know...
how to force myself to speak
inking my reactions
to their very public page
so...
...I quietly retreat





apologies for prolonged silences...my mind is peanut butter lately...